My latest post at Moms Fort Wayne
Many of us are becoming tired and frustrated by the "Princess Epidemic". We've watched the impact it has had on our young women and realize that in many cases we've made some drastic mistakes raising girls to feel as though they are the princess and all who come near her should worship her. The increased number of "mean girls" in schools and the glamorization of Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton are enough to make us all want to go back in time and have a "do over"in raising our daughters.
While many are busy raising little princesses, just as many families are busy raising prince charming. We tell young men that they need to be a woman's night in shining armor, her protector, her provider, her prince charming. We do it because we want our boys to grow up to be well respected, strong, and responsible. That can't be all bad. After all, no one wants their son to grow up and become a schmuck.
Raising princesses who believe their princes should worship the ground they walk on has resulted in over stressed, over worked, and under appreciated men. We create this fantasy for our daughters that tells them they're deserving of someone to take care of her, fulfill her every want, embrace her every need, and sacrifice his own life to secure her happiness all while saying "Yes, Dear." But what about the men we're expecting this from? If we're truly seeking an equal partnership in our personal and professional relationships we must teach our sons and daughters to value one another as equals. The pendulum has swung too far the other direction
So often we see young men falling in love with women who expect to be treated like princesses. Since we raise young men to mimic prince charming, they work to give everything to their princess. They take on multiple jobs, attempt to have a family life, push themselves professionally at a level that was unheard of in past generations, strive for the mcmansion, and see themselves as failures when they can't obtain every goal. The pressure to become equal partners is felt on men just as much as it is on women. Only now, we still expect men to work the insane amount of hours, make the bulk of the income, coach the soccer team, and make it home before bedtime in attempt to be father of the year. Why? Because we raised them to be Prince Charming, the guy who takes on everything without saying a word or allowing himself a break because that's what it means to take care of a princess.
I hate the term "man up" because it's exactly the wrong message for our sons. If "manning up" includes being mistreated by princesses who have turned into "mean girls" thanks to spoiling and a misguided sense of entitlement instilled by parents, we don't want The Sonish to "man up". We want him to be a man of character, compassion, and love. We want him to seek out a partner who is a strong, intelligent, and driven as he is. We want him to seek out someone who brings balance and love to his life. Listen, I know that relationships are never 50/50 and most days we're lucky if they're 60/40, regardless of gender. I'm not suggesting it's going to be equal all of the time but raising young women to believe they're to be worshipped is guaranteeing a one sided relationship full of stife and discourse, not to mention a likely divorce.
By raising young women to be princesses and our young men to be prince charming we break down relationships before the even begin. We also teach that one gender is more valuable than another. This trend has resulted in boys falling behind in the classroom, women taking on traditionally male dominated roles in the workforce while men don't feel secure enough to take on traditionally female dominated positions, and more families focusing on their daughters instead of their sons. Am I the only one who sees this as a problem?
Yes, ever girl needs to be raised with strong self esteem and every young man needs to be raised to value women but what's most important is teaching them to love themselves and ultimately love one another as equals. The best way to do that? Start leading by example.