But, let me tell you, being alone or whatever excuse prevents you from leaving this waste of time is lame. You are FAR better off being alone than being with someone who doesn't think you are the bees knees or that you hung the stars. All that happens with remaining in this type of relationship is diminished self esteem (likely from wondering what is wrong with YOU instead of realizing that something is wrong with HIM!), and time wasted missing out on Mr. Awesome who will be very into you.
I had the wool, a few tarps, some paint and possibly a car door pulled over my eyes (yeah, it was heavy) for over 2 years. It's even worse when the guy does just enough to make you think that he is into you but not enough for you to be convinced of it all the way. When confronted this type of man will often say he is scared, he's been hurt, he's focused on other things, etc.....verbal diarrhea (yes, I love that phrase). These types are the worst. They will have you so confused you won't know which way is up. he will call you, maintain contact well, take you out, occasionally make you feel special, all the while you will feel an insurmountable emotional distance. I spent almost 3 years beating my head against a wall wondering what I could do to be worthy of him, what I could say or do to make him come out of his shell and open up completely. One day, in a rare but GLARING moment of clarity I realized he wasn't worthy of me.
I got some assistance with this realization? I may (hah!) have come to it on my own but it would have taken a lot longer. It took someone basically yelling at me in a nice way with brutal honesty that he was NOT into me. I was presented with cold hard facts displaying this evidence. Yes, I bought the book. "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Best $10 I ever spent. It was like a much needed slap in the face. These two are amazing, and to the point with a little nice ego massaging thrown in for comfort.
Through the confusion of some of the good stuff, I was able to take a look at the not so good stuff and realize that likely the only reason he was keeping me around was not the right one. It was all about him and very little about me. This is when I put on my big girl panties and started to claw my way out of the cloudiness and realized I deserved more from life and more from a man that I chose to involve in my life.
Not saying that was an easy discovery. It wasn't. It was painful and still is, but I am working towards healing every day. Baby steps. When I am down I always remind myself that it was HIM NOT ME! I am awesome and he did not deserve my awesomeness! I will enjoy my awesomeness with myself until someone that is really into me comes along, because I deserve it. I would rather be alone than in a half assed relationship. It sucks waking up alone. It sucks being bored, but it's far better than the emotional pain of wondering what's wrong with me, and why doesn't he love me the way I love him. Far better! get a dog to snuggle with! If you don't like dogs, a cat, bunny, turtle, snake (yes, I know your Mr. Unavailable may have been a snake but at least this one won't lie to you and you can put him in his cage when he acts up!) a cow, whatever! If you are allergic to animals they make hairless cats now! Just don't cuddle up to a bottle of wine. be good and stay away from that. It leads to loose lips and loose texting/emailing/Facebooking fingers and a lot of regret.
So, signs he is not into you:
- You turn into the girl in the picture above. If he is secretive with his phone, constantly has it turned facing down and every device he owns is password protected you may have a problem. Some girls are just naturally like the girl above (ahem*psycho) but if you are not normally like this and you find yourself feeling like or acting like this...get out. That is a warning sign! A BIG ONE! Like billboard size! I actually was able to finally access his SD card, and let me tell you it was the nail in the coffin for my relationship. I knew he wasn't that into me but I wanted to see who he was into. Painful, yes. Revealing, moreso. I hate what I found but am so glad that I took the time.
- You find his profile on multiple dating sites after being together for over a year and co-habitating. (End it right HERE! These are not red flags, they are STOP SIGNS! -- Get out! He won't get over it, it will likely get worse especially if he is getting responses and can score easy sex or maintain an emotional relationship with someone else!)
- He's not calling you, IMing you, texting you, emailing you, seeing you, etc. A man who is head over heels will contact you. Often. Case closed.
- He makes no mention of a future with you. See above.
- He always has an excuse. An excuse why he's not calling, taking the relationship further, disappearing for hours at a time when he used to be easy to get a hold of.
- A man will cover his ass until he is found out and put on the spot. Even then, he may STILL try to cover his ass. Maybe not every single man in the universe, but most of them. Most men would rather lie than hurt a woman. He would rather be trampled by a stampede of flaming hippos with rockets shooting out of their eyes than hurt a woman, which leads to covering his ass. (Again, not ALL men are like this, but most of them are, it's in their nature -- it's how they are wired, unless he's a raging asshole, then he will enjoy this type of thing, and those are easy to spot. They are like the deer in the field wearing the orange vest. Hard to miss a man who is an asshole (read, raging asshole) because he usually will fly that flag proudly.)
Just remember doll, it's not you, it's him. You are far better than having feelings for someone who doesn't have feelings for you. Don't waste the awesome, beautiful girl!