I can single handedly say that having my daughter is saving my life. Simply because if I didn’t have her, I know I couldn’t stay here.
I have struggled with depression as long as I can remember. I grew up with alcoholic parents in a domestic violence environment. Suffered from anorexia and bulimia as a teenage and was self harming myself until I was in my early 20′s.
I was desperately lonely in my marriage and was isolating myself so I had my daughter out of loneliness. She has been the most amazing gift I could have asked for and makes me feel so special each day.
My marriage is over now and I have been seeing a psychiatrist after 8 years in a mentally abusive marriage.
I am still struggling so hard with my self worth after spending my life being ‘loved’ by people who have told me how worthless I am. It pains me so much some days as I feel like I go through such a struggle to be happy.
I know my 3 year old keeps a smile on my face and I know I am only here for her now.
But I wish I could be happy for others.
It’s hard when she is at her dads and I face my battles. I know how much she needs me. People just don’t understand depression.
How you can’t just pop a smile on your face and how difficult it can be to face the world some days.
Hopefully I will conquer this some day.
Hopefully I will find that peace in my heart.
I know it’s hard especially when otherwise try and destroy your inner peace. I feel like every time I try and create calm someone tries to turn my life upside down.
It’s like ‘what lies beneath’ I am calm on the outside but it’s always storming inside. My nervous system is shot. I wish there was a miracle cure for this pain. I wish it was simple. But for now I just put one foot in front of the other and know that I will be waking up day after day so I have to try and make the most of life.
How do you tell those you love that you would die if you could? That sounds crazy and that’s exactly why people don’t say it out loud.
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