Difference Between Marriage and Dating
Marriage, is an adjustment as opposed to dating and courtship. The purpose of dating is to find a good match. Courtships' purpose is to see how well the match will fit as the couple goes through various stages of development, including, will we get married, or do we want to look around. Once engaged, we start planning for the long term realities. Changes, transitions ought to occur during these different stages. Some pulling away from parents, especially the bride, may be necessary. If this does not happen, and this comes from experience, trouble arises in the marriage. Once married and the dust from the wedding settles and the transition from different living quarters for one, or maybe both, then the couple shifts to another mode.
In the ceremonies, sometimes two candles are brought together, to symbolize that two lives are to become one. This is a process which takes years, and is not easy and often very difficult. The younger the couple, the more turmoil. He still wants to party and she wants other things which reinforce security. There are things which the man may not "get" and then he doesn't "get". The women have their own adjustment in being with this seeming "stranger" who is there for a part of the morning and evening, and in the bedroom, which to her may have been sacrosanct for ages. The best advice, is to give each other personal space. The best thing is to never stop courting each other. Make each day a special day for the other. Make unconditional love the trademark of the home.
Change After Marriage
Well of course we change after marriage. Marriage is like shifting sand, the winds change direction, then there are the storms, rain, hail, etc. It all changes the surface of the marriage terrain and sometimes its core. If the *foundation* is solid rock, then the marriage will last, if not, well, it could go either way. Marriage is work at it's very best and worst. It can get down right nasty and dirty or it can little effort, maybe just a little patch work now and again. [ What is Flirting and How it Keeps Interest in a Relationship]
Why do you compare marriage to yard work ? Well, think about it, mowing, pruning, trimming, watering, sun light, etc. Marriage is a living organism. It will die with out the proper care, just as grass, flowers, etc. (Read: Purpose of Engagement Rings)
You must have the right tools; Love, compassion, patience, honesty. Some tools you borrow, some you already have but don't know how to use, and others you get along the way. You have to want to learn how to use all the tools properly, not how you think they should be used.
Parameters of Change
Before marriage, not many will discern the love amidst the hormones and loneliness. After a year or so, it begins to become plain if this is a selfish thing or if each is really looking out for the other. The clarifying process has begun. Like two pieces of sandpaper against each other, sharp edges of each are worn away. A couple begins to "fit" together better, but only if they both are looking for it and working at it with long-term goals in mind. There should not ever be doubts of each others commitment to making this a long-term partnership. There must be respect of each other, loyalty and unified stand before outsiders, like the best teamwork there is.
Everyone changes individually, and this is bound to affect the marriage relationship. For example, a couple who married at 25, just out of college, marries. Both are professionals. They both are mature for their age and determined to make the marriage work. As time goes by, they become successful in their separate fields, increasing their self confidence, financial independence, and personal satisfaction. However, the woman's job is demanding of her time, and she has been spending more and more time at work to get the job done. Her bosses are pleased with her performance, industriousness and contributions to the company. Therefore, she feels obligated to continue to produce and to please her superiors.
Attitude of Husbands
Meanwhile, on the home front, the husband, who has stable hours and is just as successful in his own field, cannot understand why his wife seems to have abandoned him for her job. At first, he is supportive, just as he always is, but after awhile he misses her very much, he is tired of staying home alone at night until 8 or 9 when she comes home too tired to do anything but fall into bed and go to sleep. He feels neglected. As a man with the desire to express his sexual attraction to his wife, he feels rejected as she is always too tired for him. He begins to act a bit agitated, and starts to say insinuating comments, but nothing that really tells her why he seems to be changing. A few months later, before you know it, he has a blow up. She didn't see it coming. He still doesn't really communicate to her what his real feelings are. She thinks he is falling out of love with her and can't understand why he is so "testy." She resents his intrusion into her happiness. They are now in opposite corners, looking at each other with eyes that don't recognize the other anymore. What happened, they each wonder. [Read: 10 Reasons Why Do Men Cheat]