My soon to be ex proposed to me the day after I almost broke up with him. Many will read this story and criticize. Why would she say yes? Didn't she see this coming? To those people I would say, don't be so quick to judge.
The night before he proposed he left my dorm around 10 or 11 pm. I can't remember the exact time. Whatever the time was, it was the time the guys had to leave. He had been using my computer to facebook while I was studying for a final the next day. Right after he left I got online before continuing my studies. I saw that I had a fb message and checked it. Much to my surprise it was someone I had never met and she was being very flirtatious. You guessed it, he hadn't logged out of his facebook on my computer.
I read the entire correspondence before calling him to break up with him. He asked if he could come back over, so I went down to the parking lot to talk to him. We fought for an hour or two, and then decided we weren't going to break up. He deleted the messages and her as a friend.
What was the conversation like? It was flirtatious, but never crossed any lines. He viewed it as playful banter, but I told him it was inappropriate conversation to have with someone other than your significant other. Did I comb his facebook for similar conversations? Of course! That was done before I called him. Did I find anything? No. We would have been through if I had. Little did I know that he had made the call earlier that day to buy my ring.
The next day he drove to our home town to pick up the ring, asked my parents' permission to marry me, and drove back to me and proposed. I said yes and we were married a year and ten days later.
Our engagement was spent in separate cities, with the longest time apart being 4 months. Still, we made time for one another. Many have argued that we didn't spend enough time together. I disagree. Our time was always limited, but we made each second together count.
During the engagement I encouraged counseling, and asked a lot of questions of my own. Let me be clear, I gave him several chances to leave the engagement if he felt he was not ready for marriage. How? By asking him questions like the one's I have listed below.
Questions:
1) I believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment. When I say my vows I will mean them to my core. No matter the circumstances, I will honor our commitment to one another first, and all other commitments second. God alone will stand above my vow. Do you feel the same way?
2) I believe divorce should only be considered if a couple has been through significant counseling and come to no other conclusion. Do you view divorce as a viable option, or do you see it as a last resort?
3) I am aware that some men just want the loyal wife at home. I want the relationship, not the ring. Are you in love with me or do you love the idea of me? (I asked this question on several occasions, only to be given this as the reason for our divorce)
4) Will you really move to California, or are you just saying that?
Of course we answered the normal questions as well. How will we handle the finances? How many kids will we have? Who will take out the trash? All of these things must be answered before a walk down the aisle. I understood this and answered in an open and honest manner. He, on the other hand, told me only what I wanted to hear. I believe he wanted everything he said to be true, but that's no excuse. Marriage is not to be entered into lightly. It is a lifetime choice, not an experiment.