Gerald Rogers is just divorced after being married for 16 years. In this post, he gives advice he wishes now he would've received long ago, advice he believes firmly would've made a difference, advice he's saying anyone either newly married or soon to be ought to read and heed:
1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked
her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
He's not quite done. Finish with him.
It's excellent stuff coming our way via Deacon Greg who adds:
... when my wife and I went to a restaurant recently to celebrate our 27th anniversary, the waitress asked us what our secret was. I smiled and said, “Patience.” And to that, my wife quickly added: “Prayer.”
That’s it.
Pray. Together. Often.
The missus and I have prayed together often (as Deacon Greg points out is a must) but this year we added to it.
During Lent this year, we committed to pray nightly together, something we've rarely missed since, something we do while cuddling (yea, corny I know, particularly corny in that I've started calling it puddling, prayer cuddling). I believe firmly we've grown closer together because of it and I think everyone who knows us understands that we were close to begin with so this is saying something.
This sort of thing, I believe firmly, will help more than anything else make the institution of marriage stronger.