Held Captive

Yesterday I had the crazy idea that maybe I could walk to the plots alone and have a look and come home. It would be about a 20 min adventure. I've done it before (a lifetime ago) so why, especially when I actually wanted to see the allotments did I not go?

looking through the peep hole at the world

I got washed and dressed, walked downstairs and came to the door. Ah, the door. For me this beautiful piece of thick painted wood, covering an opening in the wall of my home is impenetrable even with keys to the lock in my shaking hand. Before it, I shrink and like some sort of weird Alice in Wonderland plot line, I can't get to any potion that can make me bigger and stronger again.
This door is hot lava, it's a yawning crevasse, the highest and sharpest mountain. It simply towers over me and I am held captive on this side with fear. So back to the living room I go and into a book to escape real life.

I am desperate to get moving and pruning and planting and weeding and tidying and building and seeding. But I must be patient, I need someone to help me go through, get past, that door.
Love
Carrie