I recently connected online with a cousin I did not know I had. She had lived outside of our family and knew very little about our shared grandmother. I happily shared information and pictures and knew that it meant a lot to her. It felt natural and easy to do and I was excited to have this new cousin come in to my life.
It was only later that I realized the deeper level of healing going on. I was giving her the gift that I had always wanted. When I was a child, my father did not talk about his parents and even today it is surprising how little I know about them. All I have are names, dates, and a few little stories. There was an empty space in the grandparent files of my heart and I would have loved for someone to tell me more.
When we do not receive something we want or need as a child we carry the feeling of that absence with us into our future lives. When it is triggered we may even feel like the child we were when we had the original experience or respond in an immature way. I have found that the act of giving is a beautiful and natural way to bring these issues full circle.
Give to Yourself: If you wanted to be loved, love yourself. If you wanted to be heard, listen to your heart. If you were kept from following your dreams, choose a dream and go for it.
Give to Someone Else: If you were treated badly or held back in some way, you can give others the opposite experience. This happens a lot with our children. I have a client who grew up with an alcoholic father and is committed to giving her children the gift of a sober and healthy home.
Give to Your Inner Child: Imagine yourself at an age when there was something missing in your life. Picture yourself as that child. You can talk to her, hug her, color with her, or play on the swings at the park. You might be surprised how healing and how much fun it is to relate with your inner little one.
There will be times, like in my story, when this happens so naturally that you do not even notice what is happening. And, there will be other times when you sense an old need and make a conscious choice to work with it. Either way, you are stepping into opportunities for healing and moving forward.
Happy Giving!