Today is my Luv Luv’s birthday – it’s his first birthday that we’ve spent apart since we met and neither of us are happy about it.
If you know me in real life and have known me for a while, I ALWAYS make a big deal of Luv Luv’s birthday – because it IS a big deal – to me anyway. What better day than to celebrate my love for the most amazing man in my life?
Unfortunately that’s a pretty hard thing to do when you’re so far apart and you cannot see each other easily – so this is my “big deal” that I’m gonna do for him.
Dear Husband,
If I tell you how much I miss you, it still would not describe how I feel when I stare at the blinds every night with my hand on your empty pillow.
If you only knew how hard it has been the past couple of days because the computer has been down and I can’t Skype you. It was the only thing remotely close to physically having you here that I had and it’s gone for the time being. Such bad timing too because I would have talked to you all night tonight if I could – just because it’s your birthday and because I like to see you.
The phone is just not the same. Yes, I hear your voice, but seeing you is so much better…..and no, a photograph doesn’t do it. The photographs are almost taunting me telling me that you’re not here.
I didn’t write this letter to tell you how hard this separation has been on us though, because we both know how difficult it is – we live it together like we have lived through the last decade together – facing our challenges hand in hand and keeping each other strong.
I was asked the other day if I thought our relationship was “strong enough” to survive this distance and I have to tell you that I surprised even myself by saying “yes” without hesitation or even a thought. And I was smiled silently to myself because I realized that yes, I do believe our relationship is that strong. I believe our relationship is strong enough to jump over every hurdle in our way, no matter how high or wide or disastrous. We bounce back. We bounce back because we have each other and because we will always have each other.
So basically, although you are not physically with me, I know I am in your heart and on your mind and that is enough for me. I just hope that it is enough for you as well to know that although I live my everyday life on my own across here in Toronto, you are with me in my mind, my decisions are made based on what is best for us both, my life is lived to promote US.
You are my love and my life. You have managed to diffuse into every iota of my being and I love that you are there.
I am yours forever, whether we are holding hands, lying together or are oceans apart. I love you and will always love you.
Happy birthday Luv Luv and here’s to many more with you.
Love always,
Serena.