Jason Y writes:
Being openly gay can cause problems in gyms, stuff like that, cause guys think “Are you looking at me?”. I think that’s also why so much opposition to gays in the military.
Guys staring at guys can be a problem, but I never really worry about it.I suppose a lot of men have stared at me in my life, but I really think only a few of them were staring at me because they were gay or bi. When a gay or bi man stares at you, it has this particular vibe about. After you have gotten it a number of times, it is pretty unmistakeable and cannot be confused with anything else.
In Man World, the standard hypermasculine line about male stares is that they mean one of three things:
1. You want to fight me. You are staring at me because you want to fight. Typical response: Screw you idiot. You’re nuts. I ain’t fighting you.
2. You’re a fag. You are staring at me because you’re a homo and you want to suck my dick. Typical response: Screw you fag! You’re in the wrong town, weirdo. Frisco’s that-away!
3. First two are wrong? Ok, then you’re crazy. You’re staring at me because you are weird/crazy, whatever. Typical response. Screw you, you nut. I ain’t dealing you. You’re crazy.
Bottom line is in Man World, staring at other guys is pretty much not ok. As you can see, it means three possible things, and none of them are good. So don’t do it. Don’t stare at guys.
There are other types of reasons for male stares.
Hey, I like this guy! One straight guy to another. Sometimes they seem like they really like you and admire you for some reason. But you can tell they are straight due to the vibe.
What’s with that guy anyway? This can be good or bad. Unfortunately a lot of times it is not that great. But it might not necessarily be so bad. If has a bad vibe, you can usually pick it up.
Jesus Christ you are fucking weird, man. Yes, unfortunately, I have gotten this one before. You can try to analyze why they think you are weird, but it is probably not productive. Who knows why they think you’re weird? You will probably never figure it out in a million years and even if you ask them, they will lie. Best response is to go into “normal guy mode,” don’t let the look go to your head, and try to act, think and feel as normally as possible.
Wow I admire you, you’re my hero. I don’t get this one too much, but I got a lot more of it when younger. Obviously it is pretty nice.
Do you have some sort of a question you want to ask me about me or something? Here, you are staring at them in a questioning way, and they are doing it back. Hopefully follow it up with a conversation to prove that the staring was because you wanted to know something about him, maybe something interesting. Usually works out well.
Quit staring at me, asshole. Yeah, you started this one. Quit staring at the guy! Take a hint.
You know what? You annoy the Hell out of me, and I really do not like you one bit, you dick. Yep. Hopefully you will not get this one too much. I would try not to talk to this guy in the future. Guess what! He doesn’t like you! Hint hint. Don’t even try to figure out why he dislikes you because it is typically impossible to figure out and if you ask him, he will never tell you.
I hate you. Yep, unmistakeable. Break the glance and quit looking at him. Or stare him back down. I often go super aggro when they do this to me, rear up my body like I am Tyrannosaurs, turn into Ted Bundy in my head and stare them down back real hard to force them down. Usually they get scared or freaked out and back down. The objective is “to force him down.” If you force him to stop staring, then you won the domination contest. Obviously this could lead to fights, but it almost never does with me for some reason. After you force him down, back off completely, ignore him utterly, and do not antagonize him anymore. You won. Don’t push your luck.
Let’s fight! Yeah, this is a very bad one. I get it in bars sometimes. This guy is known as Mr. Psycho. He wants to fight you, and he has never met you, has no idea what you are like and knows nothing about you. In other words, he’s nuts. Leave him alone and ignore him, and he will stop after a while. If you challenge him, the game will quickly turn into “Somebody’s Going to Get Hurt.” Who knows after that!
Quit looking at my girlfriend/wife, you asshole! Yeah. You got the message. Quit looking at her. I do not get this too often. Some young White men are like this now. We have a lot of traditional Mexican men in their 30’s and 40’s in this town, and I have gotten this look a couple of times from them.
Challenge/querying. Well you are at the bar going into your bad-ass “I am a really nice guy but if you fuck with me I will slit your throat in a New York minute” thing. It sounds scary, but it’s a redneck bar full of White guys and they are all doing the same thing. In fact, they could all easily be serial killers except that they are smiling too much. The challenge stare is sort of like, “WTF is your trip dude?”
Look over at him or them, go out of psycho mode into “Hey I am a regular normal harmless guy” mode and look at them with an open face with no particular expression. Often he will break into a smile which is his way of saying he thinks you are ok. Smile back and him and forget about it. Congratulations. You just made peace.
I am sending you a message with this stare. Often not such a good message either. In many cases, they are saying, “I am communicating this message to you to teach you a lesson and get you to change your behavior because you are screwing up.” This person is trying to tell you something without uttering even one single word. The message they are trying to give you can be all sorts of things.
Think about where you are, what you are doing or just did, especially what you just said. The message may well be related to that. Also if any conversation follows, the message may be well relayed through all sorts of weird vibes about the conversation.
You get the booby prize! You get to decode the message in the stare. Oh boy. Often you cannot figure out the message, but it is pretty common to make guesses.
Your guesses may well be wrong, but sometimes some extremely complicated nonverbal messages can be relayed without the person ever uttering a single word along those lines. Once a friend of mine and I got the exact same very complex message from this man. I told my friend about it and he freaked out and told me had gotten the same vibe off of him.
Harmless guesses are probably ok, but weirder or more dangerous/pathological guesses should be avoided, for instance, anything with paranoid overtones. Your paranoid interpretation may be true, but paranoid conclusions should only be adopted as a last resort after all other solutions have been negated.
I am gay/bi/biqueerious/whatever and I think you’re sexy, stud. Yeah this is the homosexual stare. Thing is really most guy to guy stares are not gay stares, but definitely a few are. I cannot put my finger on it, but the gay stare has a particular vibe about that I cannot describe except that it seems sexual in some intuitive Gestalt sort of way that cannot be described. Have you ever had a woman look at you like you are a slice of roast beef right out of the oven? It looks like that.
It looks just like the look a woman gives you when she is ogling you, checking you out, thinks you are hot, or is fantasizing about you. It is the exact same look, just from a guy.
Often there is a weird persistence and sort of unbreakable, somewhat disturbing and creepy aspect to this stare. That is because they often act as if they are hypnotized by you. But women will sometimes give you the hypnotized stare too. You need to jump on that right away because it means, “Fuck me right now.” I do not get the hypnotized look from women too much anymore, but I have in the past for sure.
This gay stare can also look like, “Ohhh boy! I like him! Woo hoo!” often with a sort of half-criminal smile added in. Once again, this is the same look that women give you from time to time. It doesn’t necessarily mean she actually wants to screw you, but she is fantasizing for sure.