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You see while I’m doing this for no one child in particular a big part of why I’m doing this is because I’m scared. I am scared of losing another child and not being able to do anything to save her. I’m scared of being a two time loss mom. I can’t do it. I just can’t go through with another loss. And my kids are all healthy now, but I have seen how quickly that can be taken away from you. How one day you can be happy and blissful thinking all of your children are safe and healthy and the next you’re trying to figure out what went wrong and why bad things happen to good people. Life is just that unpredictable.
Now I can’t wrap my kids up in a bubble and I can’t stop everyone from living, including myself, but I can take action and give my kids better odds at least when it comes to Cancer. I’m not a hero people, I’m just a mom who cannot bear to lose another child in her lifetime. It’s really that simple.
But as you can surely imagine, going bald is a huge sacrifice. And I’m not one for being in the limelight either. When I have told the people in my life that I am doing this it has shocked them. Not because they think I’m vain and that everything is wrapped up in my hair (although once upon a time when asked I would have told my my hair was my best feature), but because it’s out of character for me.
I’m more of a behind the scenes kind of person. When out in public if someone asks me about my rosacea I usually just turn even brighter red than I already am and try to ignore the question. Now I’m going to get people asking about my hair and wondering if I’m sick. Most people will probably stare and not bother asking questions. Others will make a bee line probably just to ask me what happened. I got that a handful of times when my son was in a Doc helmet to reshape his head where people would ask oh what happened to his head? Some days I really just couldn’t even bear to deal with people who would ask and I’d just snark, “Nothing, what’s wrong with yours?” Most of the time I would explain it to people though.
I might need a pin or something to wear that explains it so I can just point to it when asked. Then again explaining why I chose to go bald rather than why my skin has rebelled against me without my permission or why my son’s head needed to be reshaped are two different things.
But on top of all of this, I hate hats and I live in New England. It’s getting chilly. And now I will have to wear a hat to keep my head warm. I woke up this morning curled up in my blanket and one part of me was cold. My head. And I have hair on it now. So I might need to wear a hat to bed even until my hair grows back.
This whole thing really is so out of character for me on so many different levels. It’s not a wonder that my friends and family are having a hard time wrapping their heads around this. I am too.
But that is why I have to do it. It’s just hair. It will grow back. And I can have some fun experimenting with it as it does come back in. And if I can do something so completely out of character for me, even if it’s for my own truly selfish reasons at the core, then surely you all can find it in your hearts to donate something to this cause. So I am really hoping I can convince you to open your wallets. No donation too small. Every little bit helps me get to my goal. Maybe you’ll save your own child, grandchild, niece, or nephew with your donation someday. So are you ready to make any sort of sacrifice for childhood Cancer?