As promised, here's the official translation of the Geordie Epic.
It's me ageeyan hinnies, A bet yiz forgot
It's Buggerallmoney - d'yiz care or wot?
Av had a bad year - yiz wouldn't believe
A just hoowop next year's got nowt worse up its sleeve
Hello Friends, it's me once again; I rather suspect you'd forgotten about me
It's the financially embarrassed one, but you're probably not too concerned about my plight
This past year has been particularly troublesome for me - quite astonishing really
I do hope Fortune smiles on me in 2009 rather than delivering more slings and arrows
Forst there woz wor lass; she chucked iz in June
Am alreet noo, but a woz a bit doon
Iz everyone sez, there's more fish in the sea
But somehoo neebody fancies me
My first trauma was splitting up with my beloved girlfriend in June**
I'm fine and dandy now but I was a sad bunny at the time
As is common knowledge, there will be other suitable partners
But I"m not looking my best at the moment, it would seem
Then, a gorra black eye in a fight
A smacked someone's gob, hell's bells worra sight
A didn't desorve to be hoyed in the cells
Ind me mam fund oot - someone alwiz tells
Then I was unfortunately caught up in a brawl, sustaining injuries to my eye
I must admit to hitting some chappie in the mouth, leaving him with a bit of a bruise
But I insist my behavior did not warrant a night at her Majesty's Pleasure
Unfortunately, my dear mother found out about the incident; wonder who the little bird could have been
Me mam hoyed iz oot so A kipped at me meeyat's
He was deed good ind helped iz get streeyat
Noo Av gorra flat of me oowan
Am alreet for spon; Av peeyad off me loowan
My mother and I agreed that I should share accommodation with a good friend
He was unfailingly helpful and gave me lots of advice
Now I have my own little pied a terre, and am no longer struggling financiallyHaving cleared things up with the nice man at the bank
Am chuffed last years' ower A woz gettin a bit sick
it's teken it oot iv iz, even tho' Am thick
Al hev a gud Christmas ind treat mesell well
A suggest yiz al dee the seeyam iz well.
I am thrilled that the year is finally drawing to a close, it was rather a beast
I may not be very bright but I still feel mentally drained
This Christmas is going to be topping and I'll treat myself royally
I suggest all you good people do the same
Mind how yiz gan noo.
Do take care of yourselves.
** At the time, I wrote this as a male, because of the fight scene. These days it's more likely to be the Geordie women getting smashed and causing fights!