Flashback Fridays: We’re taking a look at where these writing moms and dads were years ago. Up today, an interview with Ronie from April 20, 2006! Check out her website for what she’s writing today!
Ronie, thanks so much for agreeing to share your life and struggles with me. I was drawn to you because we seem to be in a similar life stage and are playing the waiting game with publication. It is my desire to learn from your experiences and I hope those who read this interview will be blessed by your journey.
Tell us a little about your family and your call to homeschool and write.
I’ve been married for sixteen years this June to my hunky hubby, Brian. We have four amazing children. I started homeschooling when my eldest, Ciara, was in first grade. She struggled tremendously with reading and was being left behind in her class. I knew I couldn’t afford private school, and we weren’t willing to consider public school at the time for various reasons. So, I started homeschooling.
As for writing. . .hmm, well, I have to confess I hid my desire to write for a very long time. I never grew up with a lot of encouragement. So, I never revealed my dreams. But my fab-o hubby encouraged me when I mentioned signing on with the Institute of Children’s Literature. From there, my passion grew, and my hunger for writing increased. My mother-in-law once said of me, that I am the type of writer who feels physically ill if I don’t write. It’s true. I’m pretty mean, too, if I don’t get to write LOL (ask my crit buddies). For me, writing is therapy.
I can totally relate to that cranky thing. My husband has almost begged me to start writing again
So why do you homeschool?
We homeschool for a variety of reasons. The most important is that my children are getting a Christian worldview in all of their curriculum. They’re learning about God and His love. Another reason is my twins’ diagnoses with Asperger’s—they just weren’t making it in public school.
This is my second year homeschooling and it seems like every week when things get tough, I’m questioning whether homeschooling is right for my family. Do you ever second guess yourself or are you assured homeschooling is what God wants for you and your family?
Second-guessing is normal. And yes, I’ve wondered at times, too. Especially in January when my twins experienced constant meltdowns and getting Reagan to the table to work was a chore in and of itself. Just like in writing, when things aren’t going as I plan, I wonder if I’ve messed up. And for me, that very questioning tells me that I’m doing the right thing. If the devil can plant self-doubts, if he can convince us that WE are the enemy (we screwed up, we are messing up our family, blah, blah, blah), then his work is done. He sits back and snickers at us.
I heard you’re going to school as well. How do you balance being a homeschooling mom, wife, writer, and student?
Balance? What’s that? *grins* Seriously, yes, I am doing college—on the seventeen year track, as I teasingly tell everyone. I’ll be done by the end of the year with my bachelor’s in Psychology.
Tonight, I told one of my writing buddies that I feel like I am trying to tie a boat to a dock in the middle of a hurricane. The rain is pelting me in the face. Wind is barreling against me. Darkness has consumed my field of vision. But one thing I know—I HAVE to get the boat tied down. I have to finish this race.
What do you do to keep yourself sane during those crazy homeschool days?
Writing. I said it before, but I’m more serious about this than people realize—writing is therapy for me. I slip on my headphones (after the kids are in bed most times) and disappear into my story. I write every night. That and God are my balance.
What one thing/person keeps you going when you feel like quitting?
God. It sounds so cliché, but lately, he’s been RIGHT THERE for me. Every little whimper, He has responded to. It hasn’t always been like that—or maybe it’s me. Maybe now I actually wait for his answer.
Did you ever feel like you’ve “missed” God in regards to writing or home schooling, that maybe you should be doing something else?
I just went through this journey with both—it’s been an INSANE year so far (you’d think I was prepared/warned when God told me the word for this year was CHANGE!). I’ve had people/friends/editors/agents tell me that my writing was going to go somewhere. . .and I wondered, why not with you?? Yet, all the doors seemed to be closed. Okay, so there I was, sitting with this talent that I’d been told “couldn’t be taught,” and yet. . .YET! I’m not getting pubbed. HELLO, GOD?? My prayer? SHOW ME. That prayer works in just about every area of my life. Show me what you’re trying to teach me. Show me your awesome presence all around me. Show me what you want me writing. God loves a teachable and pliable spirit. I pray that I always have one.
Do you ever feel inadequate in any of these areas? If so, which ones and how do you battle those feelings?
How ‘bout EVERY area??? I’m no fool. I know what I am on my own. NOTHING. With God, I’m completely loved, totally forgiven, 100% accepted (Okay, anyone take the Experiencing God course??). A word was spoken over me in church recently, and quite honestly, it blew me away. I ran from it. Didn’t want to believe it meant what I thought it meant. I ran because I was like, “Uh, God? You realize who you said that to?”
Do you ever feel like you’re neglecting your children when you write or study? How do get over that mom guilt?
Yes, for a long time, guilt was my best friend. As a matter of fact, last summer, I had an amazing internship with a facility that specializes in teaching autistic/Asperger’s children. The glitch? Five days a week, five hours a day. I felt like a total failure as a mother. I wept each day on the way home, missing my children, being exhausted, wondering what on EARTH am I doing this for?? I was a heartbeat from dropping out of school and giving up writing. And then I went to Wal-mart. There I was, sitting on the floor in the calculator aisle trying to pick out my calculator for my statistics class (PUKE!), and I was nearly in tears. Why, God? Why am I going to school? I don’t see the point. I’m going to get published. What’s the point?? And this little old man hobbles around the corner, bends down, and asks, “What are you buying a calculator for?” So, I told him. with his crooked, age-spotted finger, he pointed at me and said, “Don’t give up. Finish that degree, no matter what it takes.” Within a week, I got another confirmation in a similar way. Since, then, I’ve been sad that I am not spending all the time in the world with my kids, but when you are convinced that you’re doing what God has asked of you, there is no room for guilt.
As for writing and feeling guilt? Well, mostly, I don’t, because my writing is done at night when the kids are in bed (at least the twins). My girls might get to stay up late, but they’re usually watching a movie or playing. And they know that’s my time, and I hog it. LOL I don’t feel guilty about that because that is MY time. In my day, all my other minutes are allotted to the children/family in some way, shape, or form. My children also pray for my writing, so I think for them to see me writing and studying, they will (like me) see the fruit of that hard work and prayers one day (Soon, please, God!).
If you do feel your priorities slipping, what do you do to get back on track?
My first inclination is to absorb myself in worship. I always get back on track there. It’s where the heart of God rests. Once I am restored to that peaceful place, then I evaluate my life, what possibly got off track, and what to realign. I’ll be transparent here. January was a pruning time in my life.
Has there ever been a time God told you to set aside your writing to focus on other areas of your life? If so, how did you handle that?
Twice actually. The first time was an evaluative time. I’d received a “scathing” critique from a Christian author I greatly respect. He asked me, “Are you sure you should be writing this?” for the most part, he was right. I was attempting to write a thriller about a serial killer. I also hadn’t learned to master setting and emotion, so I had tons of talking heads. LOL
The most recent time was about two months ago. I wanted to start working on book 2 of my space opera series, but I just felt like God put a hand on my shoulder and said, Wait. So, I did. I prayed and fasted for the next few days. Before the end of the week, I was released to continue writing. I’m not entirely sure what that was all about, except maybe an exercise in obedience.
How do you handle interruptions in your writing life?
Badly. LOL Seriously, I am not very nice when my night writing time is interrupted. As I’ve said before, that’s the only time of the day that I have time to myself. However, life often intrudes, and I do my best to handle it with as much grace as possible. My family is very understanding, so I know I’m blessed. My children are getting older (the youngest is now 6.5), so it’s getting easier.
How do you get back into the flow of writing after you’ve been interrupted?
For me, the best thing is to slip headphones on. That’s how I create the ambience of my story. I listen to different CD’s for different stories. For example, my space opera flows smoothest when I listen to Enya’s Amarantine album. For my spy thriller, it’s Kutless’ Devotion. When I’ve been interrupted, I’ll come back and put my headphones on, then sit and reread the scene I’ve just been writing. And pray REALLY HARD that the Holy Spirit will allow me to recapture the moment. Nothing is as frustrating as being in the pinnacle of a great scene and get interrupted by vomiting children. *grins* Se la vie.
Your blog title speaks volumes about your heart. You’re craving the supernatural. So how do you satisfy that hunger?
Doing my absolute best to keep my heart centered on Christ. I have awesome crit partners who tend to kick me back into line (right, Neen??) with a sharp scripture or awesome admonition. I do my quiet time in the morning and try to keep my heart and life right before God. Every time before I start writing, I will pray and ask that the Holy Spirit would show me how to write and make the story come together.
How do you position yourself to HEAR God’s voice when all the noises of life are swirling around you?
It’s definitely not easy. To the best of my ability, I try to keep my heart right—pray and ask forgiveness for any sin blocking my entrance into the throne room. I have a high standard that I try to live up to—sometimes, I set the bar TOO high, but I’m okay with that. At least I’m striving to be better.
Sadly, there are times I miss God’s voice, and that grieves me. There are times I would soooo stress over the possibility of having missed him or taken the wrong direction, that I became immobilized. Then I realized that this left me as ineffective or worse in my ministry than if I’d messed up. If I’m not working, writing, homeschooling, then I’m not laboring for Christ.
Is there anything else you’d like to share?
People ask me all the time, how do you do it? And honestly, I don’t. I fail left and right. I drop the ball. But I get back up, and I keep going. Learning from our mistakes, learning from the gentle leading of the Holy Spirit keeps us pliable, keeps us in a position to be the ministers of God’s love that we’re called to be.
When you sent me the initial email asking to join you here, I drew back. Who? Me? Are you kidding? Did you see me yelling at my kids last night? And shortly after that invitation, my life crumbled. . .*I* crumbled. I’m not on an easy road, but then again, I’d be worried if things were easy. Then I would know I wasn’t growing, stretching, reaching for more of God in my life. . . CRAVING THE SUPERNATURAL. That would be a sad day.
Wow! You don’t know how much that last comment hits home for me. Ronie, thanks so much for sharing your innermost thoughts with me. I think our journeys are similar, and I think there are many moms out there just like us. I know after reading this interview they will be encouraged and blessed. God bless you as you seek His will in all aspects of your life.
Thank you, Gina. This interview brought me to a place of introspection. You are such a blessing, and I thank you for the blessing of you and our new friendship.