About Piranha (2010)
Starring: Elisabeth Shue, Jerry O’Connell, Adam Scott, Ving Rhames
Directed by: Alexandre Aja
Runtime: 88 minutes
Studio: Sony
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Review: Piranha
Terrors of the deep continues to be a popular theme in films these day. How many swimmers and sailors have been picked off since Roy Scheider’s pinpoint shot blew the original shark out of the water in Jaws? Spielberg’s classic has never been beaten and I can’t see it happening. It wasn’t the first of its kind to feature something sinister beneath the waves but many films since have been decidedly poor. Piranha has received mixed reviews and features a good cast so my hopes were strangely reserved for once.
The film begins with one of those blink and you’ll miss him moments. Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) is fishing in a lake in Arizona when an earthquake hits, tearing opening the lakebed, causing a whirlpool and throwing Hooper in to his death amidst a load of piranhas. The film then switches to some of our protagonists. Jake (Steven R. McQueen) heads on a boat with pornographer Derrick Jones (Jerry O’Connell), Kelly (Jessica Szohr) and Danni (Kelly Brook) to do a spot of filming on the lake. Also around is Jake’s mother Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) and Deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames) who are investigating Hooper’s disappearance and on finding his remains look to close the lake. Piranhas are everywhere of course and the unsuspecting locals are on the menu!
Let me a clear a few things up for those contemplating this film. It has some amusing moments certainly but the whole thing is silly and pretty pointless from start to finish. Any men and women who are big fans of Kelly Brook will be wondering if she bares all. Well, the answer is yes she does, so now that’s cleared up I’ll get back to the review. The film has your typical gory deaths and even one poor chap who is dragged on board a boat with little left of his legs and rather than lamenting that he’s about to die he simply curses the piranha for stealing his penis! If that’s not enough we get a nice shot of his member sinking in the water. Yes, dear readers, that’s the sort of film this is. You can expect scantily clad people on the boat Jake has taken out on the lake but elsewhere on the water there is less of an orgy.
Elisabeth Shue should know better than being in a film like this but she tries her best not to smirk throughout and adds some seriousness to her role as the local sheriff. She’s no Chief Brody sadly but she’ll do. Her deputy is a savvy guy and an expert at taking out piranhas as you will see later in the film. There’s even an appearance for Christopher Lloyd as Carl Goodman, a marine biologist/pet shop owner who is given a piranha as a sample and harks back to his day as Dr Emmett Brown in Back to the Future. It’s just a shame there isn’t the same hairstyle or a DeLorean to take out on the lake! Of course Goodman has all the answers about our prehistoric piranhas and a notable explanation about why they seem so pissed off all the time.
The rest of the film is very standard. Lots of the locals are eaten as they refuse to get out of the water. Chief Brody would have sorted this lot, I promise you! Jake and Kelly, who show mutual signs of affection but do nothing about it, are inevitably thrown together by the piranha crisis. Sheriff Forester also comes to the rescue when hearing her son has been a bit naughty and gone out on a boat when he shouldn’t have. Lucky for Jake, an infestation of piranhas is probably the best time to be caught by your mother attending the film of a pornographic film. Piranha is utter nonsense throughout and could only be labelled as a beer movie, one to watch with a group of friends who have no expectations when it comes to the acting, effects or storyline. Incidentally, the daft ending hints at a sequel so keep your eyes on the water for now.
Piranha has very little, if anything, going for it. A range of decent actors and actresses are on offer here which will amuse many, Kelly Brook gets naked which will please a hell of a lot of film fans but she doesn’t try acting, the story and the effects are pretty poor and the image of a floating penis in the water is one I like to think the creators put in there as something of a subtext about this film as a whole!
Verdict: 1/5
(Film source: reviewer’s own copy)
Film Review: Piranha | Thank you for reading Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dave