Alien abduction, feigned
Alien abduction, actual
Amnesia and short-term memory loss
Amnesia and short-term memory loss
Amnesia and short-term memory loss
Arbitration, binding
Arbitration, non-binding
Backsies
Barrel over Niagara Falls
Batpole
Boiling the pet rabbit on the stove to be discovered by the family upon their return
Breakup clues secretly incorporated into the New York Times crossword
Cake in the shape of a broken heart with strawberry blood, inscribed “It’s over” in black frosting
Catapult
Changing the locks on your shared canal
Civil War re-enactment “accident”
Coffee-can stilts
Crab-walking
Death Divorce by chocolate
Diving into the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese and swimming away
Extra-large self-addressed stamped envelope
Five hundred balloons strapped to a lawn chair
Getting sucked into a huge intake pipe after falling into the chocolate river after being expressly forbidden to drink from the chocolate river
Going out for cigarettes, coming back with the guy who sold you your cigarettes, and a U-Haul
Hang glider with red, white, and blue smoke canisters
Hovercraft, accompanied by your new lover, a licensed hovercraft pilot
ICBM (Inter-condominium ballistic missile)
Leaping onto a moving carousel (only works for one rotation)
Luge
Pogo stick
Pumpkin carriage drawn by mice
Railroad handcar, accompanied your new lover, who sports enormous, handcar-hardened biceps
Rest-stop abandonment
Shot from a cannon
Shot by a cannon
Smoke and mirrors
Surrey with a fringe on top
Fringeless surrey
Sending in your exact double to sustain the relationship on your behalf
Shriner’s mini-car
Stairway to Heaven
Bridge to nowhere, which you burn once you get there
Producing and starring in an infomercial for the “Ten-Minute Relationship-Ending Miracle”
Stiffing them with the check
Stiffing them with a Czech
Up the side of a glass skyscraper, with suction cups
“Unfriending” right as you climax together
Yellow submarine
Yellow Subaru
Yugo at the top of a steep hill
On zebraback
Just stay and suffer in silence