It's come to my attention that I'm just not enjoying motherhood lately. I'm over it. I'd like a week off from being a Mum, I just want to be me for a week. I want to wear nice clothes, use a handbag that isn't cross body, shop in peace, watch adult shows and just do whatever the hell I want.
On the other hand, I have a panic attack when I think about when the kids aren't here anymore. What the hell am I going to do? I don't have a career down here (my job can only be done in Perth or other capital cities) and I have no idea what I want to do. Crap.
Meanwhile my boys are sitting here trying to figure out how to spell piss. Lovely.
Motherhood is so glamorous.
Chai is still at cling factor 10. It's driving me nuts. Eljay thinks that following me around is what you do, because that's what Chai does all the time.
Saturday morning, by 8am, I'd tripped over them both at least ten times because they were trailing around after me. In desperation I came up with a game. I told them they were spies and they had to follow me around without me seeing them. Heh. They loved it and I did too because they weren't under my feet anymore. I'd see them creeping past the door giggling, or pretending to be invisible, it was very funny.
Despite that, Chai was still totally off. None of his sensory activities worked and he was so out of sorts. Sunday I found out why. One of his back molars is coming through.
The poor guy. No wonder he's all out of whack, it must be so painful.
I have no idea how parents with special needs cope. Chai's needs are pretty low compared to other kids and yet I struggle.
Motherhood wasn't supposed to be like this.
I suspect that most mothers struggle, yet they don't talk about it.
A few weeks ago I was talking to another Mum about our kids sleeping (or lack of sleeping). When I told her that the boys sleep with us she let out a huge breath of relief and said she was so glad I'd been honest about the boys sleeping with us because all her friends say that their kids don't sleep with them and she felt like something was wrong with her and her kids.
There's so much pressure on parents, why make them feel worse about where their kids sleep? As long as everyone is sleeping, who cares where it is? And why can't we be honest about it?
I'm not going to lie, if people can't handle my truth, that's neither my concern or my business.
Honesty people.