Friday night we were Skyping Tiger when I realised that Chai had soaked through his nappy and his pants were all wet. FFS.
I'd only changed his nappy two hours previously. FFS.
I stripped him off and started running his bath, when I got a sudden, overwhelming urge to go to the toilet. FFS.
(We were still talking to Tiger on Skype the whole time).
I put the computer in the laundry so that Chai could chat to Tiger whilst I was on the loo. Chai was playing in the laundry when he decided to do a wee down the drain. FFS.
I was on the loo so couldn't stop him. FFS.
As you can imagine, wee went everywhere. FFS.
Being the helpful little man that he is, he decided to get the vacuum out to clean up the wee. FFS.
I managed to talk him out of this, so instead he got the mop. When I finally got off the toilet he was in the lounge room swinging the mop around. FFS.
Thankfully he didn't hurt himself or anything else whilst he was performing his ninja moves with the mop. Not FFS.
I'd been having a lot of trouble getting Chai to sleep last week and Friday night was no exception. I finally got him to sleep then went off to do all the exciting things that I do once he's asleep (tidy the kitchen, put the dishwasher on, tidy up all of his toys and any other mess he's made, put the washing away, do the dishes, get ready for bed, pay bills, you know, all that fun stuff). I'd only been out of the room for half an hour when he woke up again. FFS.
Speaking of mess that Chai makes, here is a great example of what he can do in a few hours. Who am I kidding, he can do this in less than ten minutes. FFS.
Saturday Chai decided that he didn't need a daytime sleep. FFS.
Unsurprisingly, this was one of the days where I had been planning on having a sleep when he did as I was exhausted. FFS.
By 6pm that night he was so tired he was hyperactive. FFS.
After he has his bath he likes to jump naked on his bed. Whilst he was nudey jumping he looked like he needed to do a wee, however I couldn't get him to stay still long enough to put on a nappy so I told him he'd need to let me know if he had to do a wee. He didn't. FFS.
He wee'd all over the bed. FFS.
We only have one sheet for his bed, plus the mattress protector was wet, so we had to sleep in the spare room Saturday night. FFS.
Sunday morning I was counting down the days until Tiger came home and hoping that we'd have a good day. Chai and I were at the bench eating breakfast when he spilled his apple juice. FFS.
It went all through his toy box. FFS.
I had a whole pile of wet, sticky toys to wash. FFS.
And I'd just finished washing a full load of towels and rags. FFS.
I cleaned that up and we had a good morning. Not FFS.
I've now reached the clumsy stage of pregnancy and I'm dropping everything. As I was making lunch, I dropped a full bottle of olive oil in the pantry. FFS.
Chai was standing in the kitchen but luckily he didn't get cut. I quickly put him on the bench so that I could clean up without him helping. Not FFS.
Trying to pick glass out of the olive oil mess was a disaster, so I swept it all up with the dustpan and brush and then put the whole lot, dustpan and all, in the bin. FFS.
Thankfully I put a photo of the mess on Instagram and my clever friend Maya told me to use salt to absorb the oil. It worked a treat. Not FFS.
Unfortunately I didn't see this advice until after I'd used three towels, mopped twice and vacuumed three times to clean up the oil and glass. FFS.
The floor is now all smooth and salty, despite me vacuuming and mopping the salt up three times. FFS.
Meanwhile, Chai was happily sitting on the bench, destroying the food I'd gotten out for lunch. By the time I finished cleaning he'd half eaten two apples, peeled and eaten a chunk out of a banana, peeled open some cheese but not eaten any of it, covered everything in a generous layer of salt and started throwing everything off the bench onto the floor. FFS.
By that time I was totally exhausted and having lots of contractions so I decided to have an afternoon nap with Chai. He had other ideas. FFS.
He flatly refused to go to sleep. First he wanted to sleep in our bed, then he wanted a car to cuddle, then he got himself all worked up and was really upset (cause he was so tired). FFS.
I finally calmed him down and we slept for two and a half hours. Not FFS.
This house is turning into an absolute nightmare. FFS.
Yesterday I got a phone call from our property manager who told us that if the house doesn't sell soon the bank will repossess it and if that happens we will get 30 days notice to move. FFS.
The owner is willing to let us out of the lease and pay some of our moving costs and our property manager has a nice house in the same suburb that we can move into. We went past that house yesterday and it looks lovely. Not FFS.
The timing of this couldn't be worse. The thought of having to pack, move and unpack all over again, when I'm due to give birth in 6 weeks, is way more than I can deal with. FFS.
So we have no idea what to do. FFS.
Either we put in an offer, we hope that someone buys the house or we move. FFS.
The risk we take if we don't put in an offer or move is the house being repossessed and us having to move within 30 days just after I've had the baby. FFS.
I truly don't think I could deal with having to pack and unpack the whole house again. FFS.
I actually have more whinges but this post is long enough so I'll save them for next week.
Now that you've read my whinges, head over to Sarah's blog and see what everyone else is whinging about.