So I am taking a holiday... a holiday from this blog.
I have been struggling with enthusiasm for some months, maybe back as far as last year but it had become part of who I am, what I do which isnt surprising given I have blogged for something like 10 years. But that is part of the problem I dont want to be defined by the fact that I blog, or that I garden; I hate being labelled in any way. I am a complex being, as we all are, and there is much more to me than the fact that I garden or blog. Blogging in recent times, for me, has become a chore, it has felt like something I have to do rather than something I want to do. I found myself planning trips to visit gardens so I would have something to blog about or thinking about what I would do in the garden that weekend again so I could blog about it. That isnt how I want to garden but it had become why I gardened.
I have read a number of articles and heard a number of people recently who have all had the same message if you choose to do something then you should do it because it benefits you, because you get enjoyment from it, because it nurtures your soul, adds something positive to your life. An article I read about blogging put it very baldly if you are blogging because you feel you should - don't. At the start of this year I listed some aspirations, note not resolutions, all of which I have mentally moved on from. One of those was to re-engage with my blog and I tried, I became focussed on trying to improve the stats - never a good place to be - which I did, after all it doesnt take much when you already have a substantial readership to blog more regularly and up go your stats. But my posts aren't posts I was proud of, they weren't my best effort - I really believe that when you feel passionately, or strongly about something it shines through the writing and makes it a pleasure to read. My posts in recent months have been laboured and tired.
Interestingly as I havent been blogging so much about my garden I have started to enjoy it more. It is my space again. Not a space I need to share with others. Someone commented on my last End of Month view that I should open my garden for charity an idea which fills me with horror. Not only would this need a huge amount of work as a I am perfectionist but it would take away that feeling that my garden is just that My Garden, My Retreat, My Sanctuary. I have also over the last year felt less and less inclination to share places I have visited on my blog. There is something that I cant quite pin down about when you write about somewhere you have visited it somehow looses it magic, maybe it is because you have to analyse and pull apart your experience and lay it out for others to consider but I dont want to do that anymore. So my visit to Bodnant last month has remained for me and my Mum captured in photos and memories for us - it was our trip, no one elses.
So, as the advice is to never say never and as soon as you say you arent going to do something you have an overwhelming urge to go back on it, this is to say that I am taking a holiday from the blog. I dont know for how long and I dont know if I will continue to host the End of Month View - it doesnt matter really there is no need for the meme to be hosted as it has existed for years now.
I would like to thank all my readers for their support and comments over the last 10 years, they have meant alot to me and have given me huge support during some terrible times in my life, real life savers and I would like Yvonne to be reassured that I have already started to just sit in my garden and enjoy it, with the odd bit of sewing to keep me company; Life is Good