Do What to My What?!?

I periodically go into my Google Webmaster account and check out the types of searches people are doing to arrive at my site. It seems I have become a Mommy Blogger because a lot of my new followers are teleporting in from my links on other people's mommy blogs. This makes sense considering a lot of my parenting related content. Google searches that turned up my blog include:

• a boy and his dog
• chef boyardee pizza
• airhead candy
• french ice cream
• ice cream shop
• breast feeding
• hamster pet
• strawberry ice cream cone
• chocolate frosty Wendy's
• making spaghetti
• diaper wars

But then there are the searches that make me wonder two things:

1. How did Google get that combination of words from postings on my page since I haven't used those particular phrases?
2. Who are these people and exactly what were they hoping to find using these search terms?

For example, some Googlers used the following phrases for which my site somehow popped up:

• soapy shower
• virgins from hell
• mature breasts
• mouth burning boob
• i want crack
• ass fun
• bear season steal some shit
• pop cherry 2
• orgy in the ville
• when the f##k did we get ice cream
• ice cream f##k
• goodfellas f##k you pay me
• i want f##k you

And then there is my personal favorite. I can only imagine the disappointment some poor guy must have had about 3 o'clock in the morning when he excitedly typed in his search phrase and got to my site by mistake.
Dear Sir, I'm sorry your fun was ruined when you got my postings complaining about my struggles with weight loss when you were most likely looking for a different kind of "POUND MY ASS".