Dear Cabby...

Dear Cabby:  Last year I tweeted pictures of my junk, but I was exposed in both senses of the word and had to apologize and resign from Congress. Since then I have been running for the mayorship of New York, but now I have had to admit that I've been sexting again. New Yorkers are pissed and my approval rating has plunged. What shall I do? --Anthony
Dear Anthony: Are you out of your friggin' mind? Where did you get the idea that any lady wants to see your junk? Fuggedaboudit, buddy, ain't gonna happen. Just keep yourself zipped up and if you wanna show off your equipment just look in a mirror. You gotta problem widdat?   Meantime, How 'bout dem Yankees?
Just a minute, buddy... what are you doin' widdat phone? Freak! Pull your pants up and get outta of my cab right now!  Sheesh ...As if  Nanny Bloomberg wasn't bad enough.  Dis ain't da goddam city I wuz raised in. --Cabby