Last Sunday I woke up, had some breakfast and was thinking about doing bicep curls at the gym when I was presented with this message on my Facebook page:
My first reaction was....
There are enough stories online about farangs getting married in Thailand and losing everything, and it seems it's still happening.
I'm writing this article because I think one day it could save some white-knight from going broke and act as a word of warning to future white-knights who will soon enter the Kingdom.To the person who sent me the message and anyone else who is thinking about getting married to a Thai Girl, please read this article before you make your choice.
Talk to friends and family
Asia is the place where men to go from zero to hero.
Back in your native country, you're awkward AF, with girls laugh at you saying:
You move to a place like Bangkok and girls shower you with attention that you've been craving all your life.
As a result, you give in to the first girl who bats an eye-lid at you.
24 hours later you've moved in together... and 4 months later you're thinking about getting married.
STOP!
You're not in love (well you might be if you're a forever alone virgin), and things will most likely go south very soon.
Instead of doing something stupid like sending her or her family money to buy something in their name (land or house), talk to someone you trust about your situation.
Don't talk to expats in Thailand, many have lived here so long without going back to their native country, that they have lost their bearings on what's normal and what is not.
Your best friends or family will tell you straight up whether it's a good or bad idea.
Take the Facebook message I received above, red flags I saw:
- He mentions she is from a poor family ( first hint of money)
- He mentions Thai sin sot /dowry (a huge sum for a divorcee with a child)
- She has a child (indicator that money is needed to support them and he is merely financial support)
- He has only known her 18 months (he tells me further on down the chat)
- She get's angry when he only wants to pay half the dowry and stuff for her apartment
For me there is too much direct and indirect talk of money.
Nothing about love, how he enjoys spending time with her or anything like that. Everything one way or another is about money.
My advice to him was:
I asked him whether he had good friends or family he could speak to, he said no.
I believe a reason a lot of people end up losing a small fortune after getting married in Thailand is because they are loners or don't fit in back home.
There's nothing wrong with being a loner, I prefer to be on my own most of the time, but I'm self-aware enough to realize that I do need interaction with others else I can get a bit loopy.
By getting married so quickly the people who don't fit in back home for whatever reason, receive validation that they belong by getting married (I think?).
Don't get married so fast
In England, people wait years before they move in together, in Thailand I have known people who got married in less than a year on their first Thailand trip.
Again I think this is mainly down to two things:
Loneliness - Thailand can be a lonely place, even if you have several girlfriends from Thai Friendly or pay for pay, it can still get lonely.
As most of us move here to start fresh, if you don't have any social connections before you arrive, you're much more likely to get in a relationship and married.
Especially true with older people (40+) who are single, they think they need to find a partner now and are scared to be alone for the rest of their life.
Validation - if someone was never the ladies man when they were young and now have a girlfriend (maybe the first one in their life), they will do anything to keep her, even if it means giving her lots of money or getting married way too quick.
This can be down to micro-childhood trauma such as never having a girlfriend in their teen years, being bullied at school, not belonging to a group or being beaten too much as a child.
Getting someone to sign a piece of paper saying you will be together forever (cue divorce 2 months later), is a big status symbol to people that they finally have a place to belong, completely oblivious to the fact that it's more about your money than you.
I think the concept of marriage today is stupid anywhere in the world, but if you do plan on getting married in Thailand or anywhere else in the world, get to know the person for 5 years before you give her money to buy a home or land to invest in 'your' future.
People change and you need to spend several years before you really know someone, even more so when you come from two completely different worlds (West/East).
I'm almost in my thirties and within 3 decades I have 5 friends who I completely trust, most of whom I've known for 12+ years.
How many people outside your family do you trust with everything? I'm guessing the number is less than 5.
But you're thinking about getting married after 18 months to a person from a completely different culture?
Do you even common sense?
I've had common sense all my life, only after living in Thailan have I realized I've taken it for granted.
I assumed that everyone else had common sense... but after living in Thailand I now know that is not the case.
I have a friend who lives here and every other week he does something insanely stupid. He'll end up spending more money than he can afford and someone get in the worst spots with girls.
He will do this every, single, week.
I didn't get why until now - he has no common sense. I think a lot of people who get married here so fast also lack common sense.
Don't marry in Thailand if you're not always in the country
Please for the love of god don't propose to a Thai girl if you don't spend more than 10 months in the year in Thailand.
You might think she is waiting for you and she probably is (so she can get her next advancement of cash), but she is probably messaging dozens of guys in the process.
Thai girls need to plan for their future and because you're not always in the country there is a chance you won't marry her or come back.
So they look for a contingency plan, you might even be her contingency plan while she has a much more alpha male as her main boyfriend.
You can get happily married in Thailand
I know people who have been married to Thai girls for years and they are living a great, happy, fulfilled lives.
All of them have one thing in common - strong social circles and family ties.
They talk to their family and friends back home all the time, they go back and visit them every year, they have good expat circles, and quite a lot of them have businesses in Thailand and are improving themselves all the time.
To me, these are well-balanced individuals who are kept in check by their loved ones stopping them from doing anything rash.
I mean if I told any of my friends in Thailand or back home that I was getting married to a girl I met not so long again and, and she wants 2 million baht dowry, and wants me to pay for everything in her apartment, they would rip my dick off and sit me down for an intervention.
This is because I have people in my life who care for me and will put me in check when I am about to do something stupid. Just like I would do the same for them.
I think people who get married too quick in Thailand don't have the social or family ties that stop them from making such mistakes.
Thai girls are awesome, but newbs get caught with the wrong ones
This article might read like all Thai girls are just out for your money - they are not. The vast majority (98%) are decent girls just looking for a life partner.
The problem is most guys find their girlfriends from Bangkok nightclubs such as Climax or Thai go-go bars and expect everything to be normal.
My friend who co-runs the website Nomad Philippines is seeing a girl who is getting married in December, and her boyfriend is back home wanking working:
He just happened to meet her a in a bar at Soi Cowboy.
You can meet really nice Thai girls in Thailand, they are everywhere and they won't ask you to get married right away either!
What do you think?
What advice do you have for the person who sent me the message?
Why do you think people get married in Thailand so fast?
Leave a comment below, I'm sure I've got a few things wrong so would love to hear your thoughts on getting married in Thailand.