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She also knew that the choral director gives out awards at the final concert of the year to exceptional 8th grade students. She wanted so bad to be one of those students. She also knew that there was a very special award for an 8th grade student who showed great determination and growth. Who had tried out every year to get into the coveted group of singers and who finally made it in their 8th grade year. She thought for sure she was THAT girl this year. I was filled with anticipation as they got to the awards portion of the evening. I was almost in tears waiting for her to say my daughter’s name and then it happened. Someone else won the award. I couldn’t really tell how my daughter was managing from all the way up on stage, but I knew she had to be crushed. She wanted that award so bad.
When the concert ended I knew she was in complete dismay. Oh and I so know that feeling too. I have been there. When I was around her age I was passed up for something that I knew should have been mine. Another girl got it! I was devastated. And you know I have been wracking my brain since last night trying to remember what my mother told me. I don’t even remember what she said. I’m pretty sure I was ready to throw in the towel, but she had convinced me not to do that. And I did earn the award the following year.
What I would have loved to do is give that teacher a piece of my mind, but I knew it would do no good and wouldn’t have taught my daughter anything about taking things graciously and picking herself up, dusting herself off, and moving on. So instead I told my daughter my story last night. I told her I earned the award the next year and she said, “I can’t earn this one next year!“ And she’s right, she can’t. But I explained to her not this award, but you can earn something else. In a way she’s luckier than I was. She gets to impress a whole new group of people next year to try to show them she’s worthy of whatever award she sets her sights on. I had to show my worth to the same people who passed me up the first time.
But the point is there are other awards, better awards. Things that will mean more in life. The award I achieved didn’t help me get where I am today. It didn’t help me graduate high school or get into college. It was merrily a status symbol. One which now, some 20 years later I am sure no one even remembers I had earned in my life. One that doesn’t go on my resume.
Picking Up The Pieces
I hope my daughter can move on from this disappointment. I’m also hoping that the better award happens for her sooner rather than later at this point. Like in a few weeks at her 8th grade stepping forth ceremony. She has grown so much in the last 3 years of middle school and I know in talking to some of her teachers they have seen that. So I am thinking there will be some recognition of that growth she has made. Even if it’s not with an official award it is evident in her class placement for high school. She might not see it now, but her teachers have seen something in her and they have given her a gift already. It’s a gift that she has greatly earned, but the opportunities that have been offered to her starting out high school are really what are going to steer her in the direction she wants her life to go in.
My heart was broken for my daughter last night, but no pieces were lost. I know she can pick herself back up again and move past this and earn something even better. I just hope this hasn’t broken her spirit and she’s not discouraged enough to stop trying. But if I know my daughter (and I do believe I do) while she’ll probably hold onto this like I have for the rest of her life, she will make a commitment to try her hardest and move forward. And one day she’ll be picking up the pieces of her daughter’s broken heart sharing her story of disappointment.
How do you deal with a disappointed child?