Editor’s Note: My friend Maribel, singer for the band Clap for Poland, took her youth group to a conference a month back, and she focused the weekend on speaking to the girls about modesty as a virtue! I was so honored when she asked my permission to use the photos on Mod31 that I asked her to write a bit about what she talked about that weekend with her girls:
Last Month our youth group went to SCRC, an annual weekend Catholic Conference. We usually rent a few rooms in a hotel, and each leader is given charge of a few teens and of giving their room a theme. This year my room’s theme was Modesty!
Modesty is more than just about hemlines and the covering up. It begins as an internal thing, the way we understand our value and dignity. The external things we do (what we wear, the way we talk and dance, and the way we carry ourselves) are just a result of that. If we understand our value, through these external things we will inescapably send a message to others that invites them to treat us with respect. If we understood the great dignity entrusted to us, Modesty would be automatic for us.
We’ve Been Sold a Lie
She no longer understood her strength and beauty and instead was confused with feelings and fears of potential worthlessness.
At the fall, when the serpent gave Eve the apple, he offered her something she already had, so he sold her a lie. He told her that if they ate the apple, they would see better and be like God. But instead, the opposite happened. Adam lost the ability to clearly see Eve’s body as a gift. That is why they felt shame. They were not ashamed of their bodies, they were ashamed of the way they saw each other. So, they covered up, in order to protect the dignity and goodness of their bodies, and not be seen as objects. That’s why it’s a natural reaction for us to suddenly cover up if a man accidentally enters the room when we are changing. We are protecting our dignity from potentially being defiled in the man’s mind. We cover up not because our bodies are bad but because they are good.
Eve also lost her ability to see herself in the truth of the way she was made. She no longer understood her strength and beauty and instead was confused with feelings and fears of potential worthlessness. All of her insecurities and confusions were passed down the generations to all of her daughters. We see the effects of this all around us, especially because girls are no longer taught about the goodness of their bodies. “Our culture needs to rediscover what women have understood for thousands of years: There’s a deeper allure in what is not seen.”
No Longer Bound
But we are no longer bound by that. Because we are daughters of Mary. She is known as the New Eve! Because She said yes! She was given the biggest compliment ever: that she was worthy enough to be God’s mom! And she didn’t say, “Oh you’re just saying that.” She believed it, and not in a conceited way. As inadequate as she must have felt, she believed God could do this! When she said “Yes” she said, “I do believe!”
So that was our room name! Daughters of the New Eve! To set the mood, I decorated the room with pics that came from Mod31. I blew them up to different sizes and taped them to the walls of the room the way we do with posters. I wanted the girls to be able to connect with the models. I also placed different books and pamphlets on modesty around the room. And our room poster was designed like a Magazine cover, with Mary as our Model.
On the first night we focused on the physical aspects of Modesty. The way we carry ourselves is important, because the way we dress (and act) sends others an unspoken invitation to treat us the way we look. The truth is women teach men how to treat them. We need to get back to a world where women have a backbone, and expect men to be men. Not in a condescending way, but in a way that honors men enough to believe they can be men of honor. “Modesty is an unspoken invitation for the guys to be men enough to win our hearts”
Believe in Your Beauty
And she didn’t say, “Oh you’re just saying that.” She believed it.
On the second night we focused on our interior and all of the apples still being sold to us today. We are constantly bombarded with pressures that tell us what it means to be a woman. From the right skin color, to our weight, to even our lip size! We are told that to be worthy and beautiful we must be A, B, or C. We don’t realize that just by being women, we already are these things. And Beauty is powerful! Because “the beauty of a woman has the power to draw the hearts of men towards God, or distract them from Him.” Wow! What an incredible entrustment! We have been given the ability to change the world, simply by believing we were made worthy and beautiful. If we believe it, we will protect it and treat it with honor, and naturally incline others to treat us as such. But believing is something that is difficult for a lot of us.
I think the girls received a lot and had a lot to process. One girl said, “Everyone needs to hear this because people have the wrong idea about Modesty.” I ended the weekend by giving the girls a Pure Womanhood booklet by Crystalina Evert, a rosary bracelet, and the following tips to help them on their modesty journey:
- Form a relationship with Mary- She’s the model of Modesty, interior and exterior
- The Sacraments!! Enough said.
- Prayer- ask God to help you see the way He sees you
- Dress Modestly- if you dress like you’re worth it, you’ll start to believe that you are! Because modesty reclaims the truth and power of feminine beauty!
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Thanks for sharing, Maribel! I think this is such an important message to get across to young girls, and too often it isn’t done in a positive way. I think it’s great how Maribel emphasized women’s bodies as beautiful and good! Modesty isn’t about shame – only about true knowledge of the goodness we were created for. What do you think needs to be in the dialogue when we speak to young girls on this issue? Share in the comments!