Time passes but we still compare...
You've been dating this dad for a while now and he has shared bits andpieces about the kiddos' bio mom. He mentions her with a bit ofbravado and acts as if he can't understand why they split up.Generally speaking this is self-preservation and you've alreadyfigured it out. You've taken it with a grain of salt while learningthat he is still a great father and a good guy. But now you want tomeet her for yourself and you are wondering how to approach it withhim. Chances are that you won't have to approach him about themeeting because it will happen spontaneously...and possibly on a daywhen you weren't dressed to impress.
Of course you have survived the encounter with the kids and now youwonder if it will go as smoothly as that did. Let me cut to thechase, it probably won't. What the dating dad has been doing iscomparing you to her while withholding some information about bio mom.He doesn't do it on purpose but does it because of the hurt he feelsand is afraid that his new choice of love won't be acceptable to biomom. Dating dads still are concerned about how bio mom will react tothe woman who has replaced her. Bio mom won't say anything to you,hopefully, but dating dad can read her expressions and inflectionsthanks to years of time together. Should her opinion matter? Datingdad knows that it shouldn't but he has to pick up the phone and talkto bio mom eventually and she'll be judging his choice of girlfriend.Her opinion still matters, stated out loud or not, because you willbe spending time with her kids and he must always be sensitive to thatfact.
Hopefully your first encounter, spontaneous or planned, with bio momgoes well and remains civil. You probably won't become life longfriends or BFFs (I think that is the term you ladies use) and morethan likely it will be awkward and full of stuttering and stammeringfrom all parties. Enjoy!