“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
—Groucho Marx—
Whether you are online dating, or catching up with people you met IRL (in real life), it’s inevitable that bad dates will happen.
There are those like the girl who over shared about her sexual history, the guy who spits in public, ones who spend the whole time on their phones and then those who commit one of the biggest sins of all—being rude to the waiter (you know what they say … if someone is nice to you but not nice to the waiter, they aren’t a nice person).
Sometimes it’s just that they didn’t match their profile, look anything like their photos or that the ‘chemistry’ you had online hasn’t translated offline.
Whatever the cause for your bad date, the outcome is the same. You don’t want to see them again. And sometimes, you wonder what is about you that attracts that kind of person.
The first way to deal with a bad date (once you’ve gotten out of there!) is to acknowledge that they happen to almost everyone—in most cases, it won’t be because of anything you did or didn’t do, it’s just one of those things. (Please note, I did say MOST.)
Try to keep perspective—it’s a bad date, not a bad life. You took a risk, you put yourself out there. So this one was a doozy, the next one might not be.
Now, grab yourself a coffee (or a stiff drink) and prepare to be both entertained and mildly horrified by the bad dates experienced by some of my friends.
Social media attack
One of the best stories I’ve heard so far, is that of my friend A (who is in her early 20s), who discovered the hard way, that bad dates can come back to haunt you.
“We met in a bar, everything seemed normal and we made drunken dinner plans for a few weeks later.”
Like most of us, A usually cancels such plans once she’s sobered up, but figured ‘what the hell, he’s quite hot’.
“I arrived at dinner and was immediately disappointed that he wasn’t what my drunken mind remembered but, committed to not being shallow, I proceeded. Within five minutes his age had gone from late 20s, to ‘30ish’, to 35. After explaining what I did for a job, he summarised that down to, ‘oh perfect I am dating a promo girl’. I finished dinner and made no plans to see him again. The date was done and I figured it was lesson learned.”
But there was more to come.
“I woke up the next morning, checked my phone and was totally horrified to see a series of Facebook notifications from him.”
This is how it played out:
11 pm – He checked them both in at the restaurant on Facebook, even though the date finished an hour earlier.
11.30 pm – His posted a new Facebook status update: ‘Great night out with’ and TAGGED HER NAME.
11.35 pm – Mentions A in a comment: ‘Were you trying to get me drunk, TAGGED HER NAME’ (despite only having two drinks).
1 am – He sent a private Facebook message with a simple ‘thumbs up’ and creepy winking face.
6 am – He posted a second Facebook status update with a photo of the meal and drinks with the comment: ‘Is this why I have a sore head TAGGED HER NAME’
7-9 am – A received two missed calls, two more Facebook messages, 10 likes across her photos and two text messages—one of which was an invite for a mini-break holiday the following weekend!
Ladies and gentleman, this has all the markings of a first-class clinger.
“I was horrified; I have never cleaned up my Facebook page so fast. Now my number one dating tip is don’t invite social media to your first date.”
Phone home
“I went for a beer with a guy and he was on his phone the whole time. First, he answered a call from his brother and spoke for 20 minutes about how to hook up cable TV. Then, when that ended, his mom rang about the same thing. Needless to say, I walked out.”
Ariba, ariba!
“One of my dates took me to a backpackers’ (neither of us were actually backpackers) where he suggested we share $4 nachos as dinner.”
The Ex Files
“My worst was a guy that turned up at dinner looking like he was going fishing. He proceeded to tell me all about his Brazilian ex-wife who he dropped his car off to borrow and how much his family hated her. He also was almost 40 and living with his mom.”
Cocktails and corn chips
“I was told by my date to dress in a cocktail dress because we were going somewhere really flash for dinner. So I did. I also had my hair done. Our surprise venue was… Montezuma’s!”
Shark attack
“I had spent two months avoiding catching up with a guy I’d met on a night out with the girls, but due to his persistence and the encouragement of friends, I finally caved in and agreed to go out for sushi. Within five minutes I knew he wasn’t my kind of guy, which was ok. But then, after I mentioned I’d like to go cage diving with sharks, he spent 20 minutes telling me how he hates the ocean, won’t go in any deeper than his knees because he could be attacked by a shark and how I shouldn’t swim out in the ocean. I ate two plates of sushi instead of my usual five and stopped for McDonald’s on the way home. “
That’s not to say women are immune from partaking in bad behaviour:
Drunk and disorderly
“I got so trashed on my first date (not intentional), that I passed out in the cab on the way home and the guy carried me upstairs and offered me coffee and Vegemite on toast. I then proceed to throw up in every basin in his house, stripped off in front of him to shower the vomit out if my hair and passed out again. I woke to find myself wrapped in a towel in a strange bed with a bucket next to me and my clothes washed and pressed hanging on the wardrobe! The guy was asleep in the lounge with a bottle of Domestos in his hand! And I still managed to accuse him of taking my clothes, possibly taking advantage of me and scolded him for ironing my g-string. He then drove me home and asked if I wanted to go on another date! I was like… seriously?”
Frisky footsies
“I broke the ‘don’t do dinner on the first date’ rule and it was a disaster. We went to a really nice restaurant and she had her legs in my crotch after five minutes. After we left, she pushed my up against a wall and started trying to kiss me. But it wasn’t a normal kiss; she was licking my mouth. I bailed. When I got home, she kept messaging me asking if I was okay.”
Tinder torture
“My first Tinder date looked nothing like her photos. And because she wasn’t smiling in any of them, I didn’t know she had horrific teeth until I saw her in person. She then proceeded to tell me how she used to get in fights with her boyfriend that were so bad the police would be called. A few days later she sexted me a picture of herself in lingerie.”
If you’ve been on a date bad just remember … what is a bad date today, makes a great story tomorrow!
To give hope to others who may be struggling with some different dates, share your stories below (no names please!).
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