German author Daniela Krien who was born in the former G.D.R. published her first novel We Will Tell Each Other Everything (Wir werden uns alles erzählen) in 2011. Long before Kairos she told the story of a passionate love story between a very young woman and a much older man during the final months of the DDR. I found the book a little mawkish but not bad at all, especially in the parts that introduced us to a world that had already been long gone by then. Sure, Erpenbeck is the better writer but if I had to pick one of the two, I’d say I liked Krien’s novel better.
Since then, she’s published four more novels, two of which were translated – The Fire and Love in Case of Emergency (aka Love in Five Acts). While I got the latter on my piles, I haven’t read the others. When I was at the bookshop the other week, I discovered her latest Mein drittes Leben. It hasn’t been translated yet but given the success of some of her other books in translation, I wouldn’t be surprised if a UK or US publisher picked it up.
The book begins after Linda has moved away from Leipzig to the country, while her husband stayed in their flat in Leipzig. They aren’t divorced, nor are they theoretically separated but Linda needs some time on her own. The village and the house she’s staying in aren’t very appealing. But Linda doesn’t care. She’s looking after the chicken of the former owner and her dog and that’s all she seems to need. Her husband, Richard, visits her every other week and she makes a few friends, but mostly she stays on her own.
Bit by bit the reader discovers that Linda once had what she would have called the perfect life: a kind daughter, a husband she’s still in love with after almost twenty years, and a job as a curator of an art foundation that gave her a great deal of satisfaction. But then a tragedy happens. Her seventeen-year-old daughter is run over by a lorry. Linda and Richard grieve deeply but while Richard gets better, Linda doesn’t. On the contrary. It seems to get worse. When she’s diagnosed with cancer on top of that, she knows she can’t go on like before. Once the chemo is over, she moves.
I’ve read a few books about grief, fiction and nonfiction. Guilt is so often part of the grieving process. Here as well. Linda feels particularly guilty because her daughter did something that morning, she wouldn’t have done if Linda had told her not to. But the guilt runs much deeper and that’s where the strength of this book lies. It is tied into her motherhood and the way she became a mother. Richard had been married before and had two beautiful, intelligent children. He didn’t want another child and Linda had to fight very hard for him to give in. Once her daughter is born, Linda wants another child but Richard refuses. Years later, when he finally agrees, it’s too late. One of the things that weighs heavily on Linda’s consciences is the fact that she often compared her daughter to Richard’s first children or to other young people and found her lacking. She seemed too normal, too kind, not particularly beautiful, not fascinating.
Linda has a lot to come to terms with. Her struggles are intense. At times the reader fears she’s going to end it all. And then Richard loses patience. He’s been waiting two years and there is still no sign that Linda will return to Leipzig. The marriage ends when he meets another woman
It may sound like My Third Life is a very depressing book but it’s not. I found it engaging and enjoyable. The way Linda evolves after her marriage ends is uplifting and very relatable. Ultimately, My Third Life is much more than a story about grief, it’s also the story of a marriage. And an exploration of what makes life meaningful. I wouldn’t exactly call My Third Life great literature but it’s very readable. It would make an amazing book club read as it offers so many discussion points. How long should a person grieve? What is the right way to grieve? How do partners survive the loss of a child, especially when they don’t grieve the same way? What about friendships? How do friendships survive something like this?