Well you know this s***’s all going on eBay tonight. I don’t need your Lifetime checks, Boo.
Buh Bye.
I’m just saying I got my phone on me 24/7 and not one of you could call for my damn hat size?
You can all have jackets if you don’t mind Paige, Brooke and Chloe being embroidered on them. It’s all I got.
Would’ve been nice if someone told me you were all like 2 feet tall before I paid good money for this dress. I can’t breath.
Buh Bye.
Girl…I know I didn’t spend 3 hours in a salon chair just to wear a Joan Collins hat all afternoon.
And just like that.
The end of an era.
After 6 seasons of twists, turns, tears and orthodontics (…remember when you couldn’t be on the ALDC team unless you had braces?…) it was finally time to say goodbye to Maddie and Mackenzie this week as Dance Moms sent La Famiglia Ziegler off into the Hollywood sunset in search of bigger and better opportunities.
Their time at the Abby Lee Dance Company was coming to an end.
Or at least the TV Show part.
And the Elite Competition part.
But beyond that, everyone was a little fuzzy on whether MackZ would be retaining her copyrighted Hip Hop persona and still dropping it like it’s hot back in Pittsburgh while Maddie was off padding her resume with more acting gigs and SiaStuff.
I guess only time will tell.
Regardless, they were moving on. Saying goodbye to Hollywood, as it were.
Had it really been 6 years already? What happened to these little squirts?
Especially since I blew off last week and didn’t do a recap, right?
I know.
Side note: I got more #HateTweets for missing a recap than I get when I actually write a recap. Make up your mind, people.
I don’t think I understand how the internet works anymore.
After a week that saw the return of a whole bunch of ALDC Minis, followed by the exit of at least one ALDC Mini (…I believe that brings the count back down to 4 again…) it was finally time to bid the Zieglers adieu.
Full disclosure: I have absolutely no idea how many of these hyper Minis are actually in the building at any given time now, because some weeks we seem to go from none to 100 in the span of just one commercial break.
And don’t they say that for every one Mini you can see, there’s at least 10 you can’t see?
Maybe that’s field mice. Or squirrels in the attic. I forget.
This was going to be a busy week for everyone at the ALDC. And hectic. And more than likely, emotionally awkward as everyone dealt with the Ziegler exit in their own way.
Like Abby, for instance, who chose ‘denial’ as an option, resulting in Melissa making this face a whole bunch o’ times during the Pyramid of Shame.
Really.
It was like Abby wasn’t even going to address the fact that two of her top dancers were checking out at the end of the week. What do you think of that, Melissa?
Or not.
Regardless, given Abby’s track record for multi-tasking, the general consensus was that a photo shoot could potentially take some attention away from the Elite team and the Ziegler’s last week with the ALDC. What do you think of that, Melissa?
Just know that Maddie was on top because she came in Fourth Place and Brynn was on the Bottom because she came in Third Place.
And Ashlee made this face because Dance Math is hard.
Something other than “I took these girls from their average, suburban, hum drum, Sam’s Club, Costco Sample Day, get your hair done at JCPenney, Buy One Get One at Old Navy, Blue Collar life of misery and made them stars,” I mean.
Because that totally happened.
And then Holly made this #HollyFace a few million times.
This week, the gang was headed to New York Dance Experience in Riverside, CA, which is another one of those competitions where you get your critique right on stage the minute you finish dancing before you can even grab your water bottle.
I’m not sure how safe it is from a hydration point, but I find it enjoyable.
The Big Girls would be performing (…freakin’ finally…) a Hip Hop routine, since the Z’s both love doing Hip Hop. And it’s their last week.
And time to take another shot.
Tiny Areana would also be performing a solo in tribute to her brother, Jordan, who suffered a disabling brain injury after open heart surgery when he was 3 months old.
If you didn’t cry a little bit when her Mom, Sari, told that heart wrenching story surrounded by all the Minis in a group hug, then I’m afraid we can’t be friends anymore.
Out on the MomBleachers as the kids got to rehearsing, everyone was curious if Melissa recalled what Maddie and Mack’s first solos were 6 years ago back in Pittsburgh.
Google Results: A picture-in-picture moment that was part retrospective, part Super Bowl.
Let’s go to the video tape.
Darling, I’m getting bored with this interview. Somebody get my Hello Kitty fur stole and have the valet bring the Barbie corvette around front, please.
I just can’t.
Side note: Randomly insert #CryingMomFace wherever you would like this week.
Side note #2: Are we just not going to address this handbag? Are those LED lights?
The next day was Head Shot Day and the Minis all arrived like they were pulling up to the Warner Brothers Studio lot or something. What is this kid even looking at right now?
You bettah werk. Flashbulb. Flashbulb. Two snaps. Flashbulb. Flashbulb.
Needless to say, Abby barely acknowledged that the Big Girls were even part of this episode as she bounced between all the Minis rambling about Legacies and Duck Faces.
What do you think of that, Melissa?
Full disclosure: Right around here somewhere was a really messy interaction between Sari and Melissa that didn’t go over very well on Twitter. I’m not even touching it.
You know how we play here.
Please take all remaining issues to a chat room of your choosing.
We need to keep it light. Because it’s lunch time.
All the Big Girl Moms played nice for an afternoon and went to lunch together where they reminisced, told old war stories, cried some more and then raised their glasses in a toast to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Dance Bag.
Look at how Ashlee’s glass is already half empty and Kira’s on her second refill.
And time for the Original Recipe Moms to arrive at the venue all like..
And why are they doing makeup on the Dark Shadows set? Is that a candelabra?
Peyton‘s Mom (…whose hair looked nice this week…) thought they were all being straight up bougie and didn’t want any part of it, thank you.
She’s sassy.
And to see Rachelle ‘Sas’ Rak as emcee! Whaaaaaat?
Dat’s rite. My girl was off the judge’s table and up on stage running this whole shindig for a change. Mama knows where the good lighting is.
Bonus: Here’s another shot of Rachelle driving to work. You can tell it’s a different day than the last competition because the plane is facing the other direction.
Side note: Rachelle’s micro dress must have been made out of the same fabric as her plane, because you could barely see either one from the stage.
Dang, girl. Put some clothes on, there’s kids in the room.
I love her, you know.
Areana was up first with the dance for her brother. And Jordan was there in the auditorium! He made it for the performance and it was so emotional from start to finish.
Even when Abby went up to meet him before the show started you couldn’t help but get a little misty. Look at how excited he was to see his little sister perform.
I see what you did there.
The judge even called her a “Powerful Pocket Rocket…”
And then it was time for Maddie’s solo. And time for everyone to get choked up.
For all the squawking and talking about it, the time had finally arrived.
Melissa ugly cried.
#Bangs.
When it was over, Melissa was really starting to percolate over Abby’s lack of concern and attention for her daughters, given the fact that they were leaving the studio forever in 3 hours. Abby’s focus seemed to be only on the Minis and the Minis and the Minis.
And the Minis.
And Melissa wasn’t liking it.
Backstage, Abby gave one last (…slightly snarky…) pep talk to everyone, pointing out that the Zieglers may be leaving for something bigger and better…or not…and that it may just be a blessing in disguise for (…slightly subtle camera shot…) others.
Check out Brynn getting all like ‘What’s Happening Right Now?’
And then somehow Sari and Melissa started screaming at each other and Kira stood up for the Old Moms while the New Moms rallied behind Sari right before Melissa blurted out that “The fans will not love you.”
What? And why didn’t Kira get a hat?
To ease the tension, here’s a photo of Jill and Melissa at Graduation.
And then it was time for Maddie and Mackenzie to perform with the ALDC Elite Team one last time. And time for the ugly crying to get even uglier.
Melissa was a mess.
Look at Rachelle trying to do something with Melissa’s hat hair. Good luck with that.
Maddie took First Place for her solo, which lead to a quick #MorphingMaddie video montage where they magically spun her from kindergarten up to the present day.
Like this. But not really.
Which called for a party.
Which, conveniently enough, was all set up back stage with balloons and cake and those exploding pop sparkler things that can poke your eye out if you don’t point them in the right direction.
Side note: Nia and Mackenzie clearly know how to party, because cake and toot horns were flying everywhere. I love these kids. And were those Tiffany bags? Excuse me?
Unfortunately, Melissa wasn’t feeling it.
Abby still wasn’t saying any final words to the girls, except for critiquing their last dances.
She saw mistakes. And Melissa saw RED.
Some screaming. Some head shaking and hand waving.
Not the way I thought it would end. Unfinished business is The. Worst.
The cake looked good, but the rest of the party tanked pretty fast. The Minis got a spot on next week’s Pyramid as the Old Moms tried to figure out how to get Melissa and Abby to talk it out. Maybe at the Mid-Season Reunion coming up next week?
The one where Jai Rodriguez stole my hosting gig. That one.
From the Mouths of Babes: Mack said stay humble and positive. So I will. For now.
Melissa took off.
Everyone else enjoyed a few more awkward moments before scooting out.
And then the Zieglers were gone.
Vanished into thin air.
Forever?
Peace Out.