See that house in the middle? That’s 315 Cherry Lane in Johnstown, PA. That’s where I grew up. The family moved there when I was about four and we moved away – not very far away, just around a corner and up the road – when I was 13 or 14, somewhere in there. My sister Sally would have been born at about the time we moved there, whether just before or just after, I don’t know because I don’t know the exact date we moved there.
Anyhow, she told me there was this Netflix movie, Christmas on Cherry Lane. I think she said she was going to watch it. I decided to watch it as well. (And besides, my friend Greg lives just off of Cherry Lane in Mendham, NJ. How many Cherry Lane’s are there? Lots, I bet.)
So, I cue it up and as soon as I see “Hallmark” in the opening credits I got a bad vibe. And, you know what? The vibe was right. It was annoying, just plain annoying.
It’s Christmas, there’s snow, and we have three families. All living on, you got it, Cherry Lane. Each family has its troubles, annoying, aggravating troubles. And they’ve got to be resolved by the end of Christmas day. And they are, because that’s what kind of movie this is. But it’s all fake, all manufactured.
Yes, I know, all art is manufactured. But in good art there is a purpose. In this film, though, the only reason these families have these problems on Christmas day is so they can get solved on Christmas day. Just how these problems get solved, that’s not at all obvious. If it were, then there’d be no reason to watch through to the end, would there? So there’s a bit of luck, an unexpected miracle or three. Big Whoop! It’s Christmas day, wouldn’t you know?
And there’s a gimmick, which I didn’t quite get until I went surfing the web to find out just what had happened in this irritating movie. They’re living there at different times. Or at least two of the families are. That explains why I saw one frame with a big “1999” planted on it followed by another with a big “1973.” But that wasn’t enough to clue me in. Maybe that’s because I wasn’t really paying attention. Do you know why I wasn’t really paying attention? Right! I was annoyed.
And then there was that hot actress who played the middle-aged mom who was retiring to Florida with that horse-faced guy for a husband. I know I’ve seen her somewhere. But where? Ah, that’s Catherine Bell, who played Major Sarah MacKenzie on JAG. That’s where I saw her. Maybe she’s why I slogged through the irritation. It’s not much of a reason to watch a movie. But at least it’s a reason.
Maybe there’s another reason. Now I know why the Grinch stole Christmas. Because he saw this movie, that’s why. He wanted it all for himself.