A series of choices makes life. One’s mindset and perspective makes life. What one focuses on makes life.
This week, life has been schooling me in the power of saying, “thanks, but no thanks” to the Negative. What power it has and how its power disempowers me.
I’ve been reading and hearing from good sources that when we get angry, for example, we give our power away. My mind was calm and settled enough this week to observe this in practice. I also observed that negative sensations can be produced by merely talking about how certain things make us feel in the present or have made us feel in the past, even if those sensations were not at the surface before we started talking on a subject.
Two such instances took place this week with me. One based on an event that took place the same day. The other about things that happened years ago.
In the first one, I was giving a synopsys of my day to a close friend. As I started talking about a particular detail I noticed negativity arising in me. It wasn’t present before. It wasn’t even present when the event took place, as I had trained myself to stay calm. However, it still was a trigger, I just managed to observe through it objectively at the time of the event, but when talking with a trusted friend, my sensations felt safe to blurt everything out. I recognized this and requested to skip the subject.
In the second instance, I was asked to recall things from years ago. I took a moment to think about the question and tap into my feelings from the past. Instantly, there was a rush of negative sensations that I knew would drastically change the environment of the room we were in. It would hurt, anger, and sadden one or more people, including myself. This time, I didn’t even start talking about what was asked, instead expressed honestly that I am not fit to answer the question.
The first request was received well and we talked about what affect focusing on the negative has on our mindsets, lives, and growth. The second request had more challenges :). Although my request was acknowledged, it wasn’t received and honored. Questions kept coming and, in all honesty, it felt as if they were carefully designed to trigger me. Spectacularly I held my ground while still maintaining respect towards everyone involved. Soon after I meditated and any negativity that did arise in the ceasefire, dissipated right away.
I say I was being schooled in saying, “thanks, but no thanks” to the Negative because this is how lessons work, don’t they? Yes, everything is new at first, however, once we recognize a lesson and master it, the other shows up! On Tuesday, I recognized something, made a conscious decision, and discussed it with a trusted friend. On Wednesday, I had a conflict with my parents; being triggered is much easier with family yet the challenge was handled well because the lesson on Tuesday was learned well! I wonder what lessons I’ll learn today…
Needless to day, I wouldn’t be here without Vipassana.