Celebrity, Scranton-Style

By Lynnbraz @wandering_lotus

Jay McCarroll Project Runway, Season 1 Winner

Poor Scranton, just can't catch a break. For as long as I can remember, if Scranton was mentioned in the media, it was always negative, a joke. If anyone outside of Northeast Pennsylvania has heard of Scranton, inevitably it's because of The Office or, more recently, Joe Biden. Unfortunately the birthplace of the vice president and fictional setting of a past-its-prime sitcom that mercilessly pokes fun at its setting can't seem to capitalize on its assets, of which, monetarily, there are few. Scranton is broke.
Headlines around the country proclaim if you have five grand to your name,  you are worth more than the entire city of Scranton. This is not entirely true. Scranton's bank account balance fluctuates day to day. As of Monday, July 9th, the city had $166,000 in cash. But the city owed $3.4 million in vendor bills, including city employees' health insurance premiums. Scranton's total debt exceeds $16 million.
City council wants to borrow money to keep Scranton afloat. (How, exactly, does a city shut down operations?) But no lender is willing to make a loan until proof of ability to repay is given. City council can offer no such proof. The mayor's solution is to slash city employees' wages to the federal minimum wage ($7.25/hour) and raise taxes. Apparently, there is a continental-sized divide between city council and the mayor.
Scranton has assets, but in my lifetime has never been able to capitalize on them. The city embraced its role as the butt of jokes, gleefully hanging Dunder-Miflin signs all over the city and creating The Office tour. But, for some reason, the city's marketing department or tourism board or whatever is responsible for creating positive spins is really lame. I think I could market the hell out of this place.
First of all: location. Framed by the Pocono and Endless Mountains, Scranton owns some beautiful scenery with tons of activities right in its backyard and less than an hour away: hiking, biking, skiing, boating, sky diving, waterparks, amusement parks, fine dining, fun dining, great music venues, two professional sports teams, several universities and colleges with sports, theater and music, a multitude of dance companies. Scranton is less than two and a half hours from New York City and Philly. It's just the sort of town I seek out when I travel abroad.
Many people I've met outside this area tell me they've driven by Scranton on their way to somewhere else. Not one has stopped to see the waterfalls in Nay Aug Park's Gorge (a national site) or the amazing collection of Ancient Egyptian artifacts in the Everhart Museum ($5 admission fee) or the incredible Art Deco and Gothic-inspired architecture of downtown Scranton.
If I were marketing Scranton, I'd have billboards all along I-81 and I-80 touting the sights here.
I think Scranton should privatize and be sold to Charlie Jefferson, the real estate developer responsible for turning the long-abandoned Connell and former Chamber of Commerce buildings into luxury, downtown loft apartments.
*****
Project Runway Season 1 winner Jay McCarroll was in town a few weeks ago hosting a fashion show benefit for the Everhart Museum. Joe Biden celebrated 4th of July Eve in Scranton, giving a rousing rah-rah, Scrantonians, you're the best, speech. I happen to like Joe Biden (purely because he's a democrat), but a visit from Joe Biden is not what this town needs. Being the fictional setting of The Office is not what this town needs.
What this town needs is to be the actual setting of a reality TV show starring Kim Kardashian or NeNe Whatever Her Last Name Is. JWOWW. Top Chef. We need some real celebrity here. We need a marketing department.