Bring It!: The Divas Of Olive Branch Are Back And Neva The Diva Wants To Get Even, So No More Horsing Around.

Well, if I knew they was all giving out prizes every time you take off your hair…Hell, yeah.

I know you better get all that outta my face before you get all of this in yours.

Gurl…pleez. If one more horse comes outta that bathroom, Imma get back on the bus right now.

Aw. Hell. Neigh.

I did not put on my good suit to watch a talking horse and some dude in a pink tutu throw down.

Whatever you got in that bottle, I’ll take some. And hit me up hard…it’s gonna be a long night, Boo.

Oh, I know we’re not gon’ play this damn Heifer Game again. Don’t make me have a cow right here.

Dat’s right, heifers.

She’s baaaack.  And ready to Bring It!

Divas…and livestock…to the dance floor, please.

Srsly.

Q.  How much do we love Neva McGruder?

A.  So much.  Too much, really.  Cuz you know when the blinged-out coach for the Divas Of Olive Branch shows up on your screen, she’s gonna be even more Extra than that Sunday newspaper you have to hold with both hands.  And we love her for it.

And this week’s episode was no exception.

But let’s not put the cart before the (…Spoiler Alert!…) umm…you know…

…and start at the beginning.

With only 2 weeks to go before the Battle Royale, e’rrybody’s nerves were already frazzled down at the Dollhouse Dance Factory.  The last round of solo cuts were looming on the horizon, which meant that either Camryn, Crystianna or Makyah would soon be carrying the responsibility of 50% of the Dancing Dolls‘ total score at the finale.

No pressure at all, right?

Add to that some fresh, new Stand Battle choreography and trying to find time to study for the upcoming State testing…it was no wonder that the girls were a little stressed out on the ride over to the Dollhouse.

Side note:  How can photos beamed back to Earth from the Mars Land Rover be clearer than Skype calls and automobile video?  How is that even possible?  And where did Mimi‘s chandelier rear view mirror air freshener go?  That thing was crazy pants.

We love Mimi.  Muah.

Back at the Dollhouse, as Dianna gathered up all the girls for this week’s low-down, the Mamas were already out back in the IKEA Viewing Lounge doing what they do best:

Being Whacky.

And thanking the Academy, of course.

Dat’s rite.  My girl Tina was awarded a special trophy for Best Wig Snatch Ever, presented by The Original Dancing Doll© Dana, who handed the thing over like she was some kind of freakin’ Heidi Klum at the Kids Choice Awards.

Look at Tina.  She’s crazy.

Bonus:  Here’s an actual screen shot of Tina accepting her award.

Thank you.  Thank you very much.

As all that hilarity was ensuing, Miss D was back in the Dollhouse revealing that a former Golden Dazzlers‘ dancer was now on the payroll as Assistant Coach Number I Don’t Know What.  Really.  What number are we up to now?  I forget.

Number 4, maybe?  I dunno.  It would be nice if Dianna introduced those other ladies who are always standing around before the show goes on hiatus.  Just saying, girl.

Chop Chop.

But regardless of his employee ID#, Andre was in the hizzle now, yo.

And now Kayla was all like What The What?

 Wasn’t that her job?

At least according to Tina, who got a little salty and compared Andre to a Side Chick.

Trivia:  Which was a line in a Pointer Sisters‘ song.

Cuz I Betcha Got A Chick On The Side.

Certainly a lot going on in that picture.

The Circle of Life.

This week, as we already learned, the Dolls would be going up against the Divas Of Olive Branch, as well as the Dazzling Diamonds, Virtuous Divine and the Girls Who Have Never Even Heard Of 45rpm Records OR The Pointer Sisters And Just Made Me Feel Old.

As you’ll recall, the last time the Dolls came up against the DOB (…or is it DOOB?…) the whole thing quickly escalated into one big drag queen/you’z a heifer/wig snatch/police raid circus that resulted in Neva throwing her trophy on the floor and losing her nutty.

That Heifer tryna BE me!

Bonus Points:  To whoever that dude is in the hoodie giving SideEye.  He’s my new Spirit Animal.  I never get good photobomb opps like this guy.  And you know when he went out after filming with his boyz he was all like You Shoulda Seen This Crazy Bitch Poppin’ Off…

My bad.  I stand corrected.  Love her.

This week the Dolls would also (…Spoiler Alert: or maybe not…) be performing an Around The World Creative Dance based on Dianna’s love of Chinese Food.

Because she said that.  And because Chinese Food makes you hungry again in one hour.

Side note:  I’m pretty sure that Kayla likes her Chinese Food more than she likes seeing Andre take over Stand Battle Choreography, because she made this face a few more times before it was all over.

Deep down, KJ knows that Miss D only does what’s best for the team and her employees, but that don’t make it any easier to watch, I’m sure.  Kayla is bae, BTW.

And I like her hair better when it’s straightened, if anyone’s asking for my opinion.

The next day, Tina couldn’t stand it anymore and went into the Dollhouse to confront Dianna regarding Andre’s place on the corporate ladder.  She was feeling some type of way and Mama’s got to protect her cub, even where her cub ain’t a cub anymore, right?

I’m pretty sure Tina also put on her glasses so Miss D wouldn’t punch her in the face.

Needless to say, that discussion went well.  Bye, girl.

With only 2 days to go, the Chinese dance was hot mess soup.  Half the girls were always missing due to their studies, so Dianna was  constantly playing catch-up every time they tried to run the number.  And that was making her extremely agitated.

And the Mamas extremely hungry.

Lucky for them, Mimi brought in a big ol’ Rubbermaid bin full of Food From Every Nation.

Like the bins you use to store your Christmas decorations in when you take down the tree, but it was full of burritos and egg rolls instead.

That new J.Crew Mama still thinks these ladies are insane, but she’s not gonna turn down free grub.  No ma’am.  She was waving her arms in the air like she was at a Mardi Gras parade.  Throw me some beads.  And those wings while you’re at it.

I think we like her a lot now.

As the snacks were flying around the room, Kayla made this face a few more times…

…and this one…

…and then apologized to Miss D for her Mama getting all wound up over Andre.

It’s all good.

We also took a quick road trip to Rittany and Mimi’s homes to watch their daughters prep for the final solo auditions.  Both girls are straight up amazing and are both more than worthy of a solo, but all that really mattered was that big heap of trophies on the floor next to Mimi.  That heap right there.  By the Grecian urn end table.

DaHell?  Those things were piled up like she was handing ’em out to trick-or-treaters.

Mimi = Love.

With only 24 hours to go, the Creative Dance was still not working.  Half the girls were studying.  Half the girls were messing up the choreography.

And half of Makyah’s legs were hurting.

Uh oh.  She was favoring one leg.  One day before competition.

Safety First:  Makyah was out of the running for the Battle Royale solo.

Which meant that Crystianna and Camryn went head to head for the final cut.

Drumroll.

Camryn for the Win!  Boop!

But don’t you worry about Crystianna.  Her time is coming.  Rittany knows it.  Dianna knows it.  And I know it.  That girl is coming out of her shell like a Boss.  You just wait.

Bonus Points:  For Rittany, who totally supported Camryn.  I love how they all have each other’s backs.  Especially each other’s kids.  Nobody loses on this show.

Finally, it was Showtime!

And time for my boy Jay The Slayer Fever Johnny Harrington V to insert his vintage kitchen napkin pocket square and get the party started.

Jay is the bomb.  The Neutron Bomb.  Google it and you’ll get the joke.

But can we talk about these judges first?

I mean.  Is it just me, or…?  Here’s another shot of them.

And here’s two of them hogging the spotlight between Stand Battles.  Like they couldn’t have waited until the third one got out of the bathroom.

And here’s all 3 of them together again, doing the half-time show with JayDawg.

Did you know they even sell Limited Edition Judge Dolls out in the lobby?

Because they do.  And you can tip their heads side-to-side like OhNoYouDin’t.

How much do we love this show?

Subliminal Messaging Dept.:  While Dianna was giving the girls a pep talk, there was one of those How-To CPR posters right behind her head.  Just in case, Neva.  Just in case.

And Sunjai was back!!!  Yay!  Baby Girl was back from college with her sisters!

Look at them all together posing like Seloncé‘s backup dancers.

Oh.  And Neva showed up on one of those light-up hoverboards from Amazon.

No lie.  Somebody had to run out back and rip that CPR poster off the wall when Rittany saw Neva enter the building.  She be rollin’.  Hard.  And she almost put Rittany into cardiac arrest doing it.

And then it was really, finally Showtime.  After a surprise announcement that the Dolls would not be competing in the Creative Dance Category.

Hot.  Mess.  Soup.

Told you so.

Virtuous Divine was first out with a bunch of Parisian mimes, followed by the St. Louis Dazzling Diamonds and their literal ALL around the world routine.  Literally.  I think the only thing missing was New Jersey and the country that manufactures shirts that are always too small.

Neva and her Divas followed that extravaganza with their own butterfly encrusted Asian sumthin sumthin.  Dianna was kinda sorta wishing that she hadn’t cut the Dolls’ number after seeing that one go down.

And then Dianna and Neva met up in the hallway.  Because you know the rules.

Neva tried to give Miss D a BeDazzled cross to ward off Sparkle Demos and Glitter Ghouls and then couldn’t get it back into the gift bag.  You notice that?

And then she did this…

And then Dianna did this…

And then all this went down…

Until they both ended up all like…

Ok.  That last part might not be true.  There was no koi pond at that campus.

But you gotta admit it’s ironic that they’re wearing the same colors.

Next up…Stand Battle Time!

Round One: Dancing Dolls vs. Virtuous Divine.  Dolls moving on.

Round Two:  Dazzling Diamonds vs. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.

Power Of: Olive Branch!  You see those costumes?  Lawd ha’ mercy.

Final Round:  Dolls vs. DOB.

And that’s when the horse s*** really hit the fan.  F’realz.

The DOB brought out a Dianna Williams horse getting all #HorseFace up in Neva’s face…

And then the Dolls brought out #DragNeva doing whatever this was…

And it just went on and on until the whole crowd was all like…

When it was all over, the judges weren’t liking it.  At all.

Especially that one judge who was already miffed that the other two had performed without her while she was in the bathroom.  She was not happy.

She said that both teams had made a Mock. Er. Eeeey. of the entire process.  You know she was mad because she broke it down into 3 separate words.

Cuz that’s how you do when you’re pissed off.

Girlfriend was MAD.

Really mad.  And nobody could really blame her.

I just wanted to pull my eyebrows out to make it stop.Un.  Comfortable.

Everyone was so flustered by the end of that tirade that even Jay pulled a Steve Harvey and gave Second Place in Creative to the wrong team.

Just like that.  Gimme that crown back, bitch.

And Neva was crying just like Miss Colombia by the time he went backstage to try and apologize.  But it didn’t matter much by then…it was too late.

And it was sad.  Because I don’t like to see anyone cry.

Luckily, that Cicely Tyson judge was wearing THE best white polar bear fur Wilma Flintstone vest evah which distracted me from most of the drama.

And then…thankfully…it was finally over.

Both teams got spanked a little and vowed to return stronger and more focused the next time they meet up.  Which might be sooner than you think, folks.

Because next week it’s already time for the Semi-Finals.

So wipe those tears.  We’re one step closer to the Battle Royale, yo.

Kisses.

DD4L, ‘mmmkay?