Dear Diary: Why do world leaders always choose breakfast time to call me? Today, as I munched my Chocolate Cheerios, my iPresidentophone burst into a chorus from Song of the Volga Boatmen sung by the Red Army choir. "Good morning, Vladimir!" I said cheerily, for it was his ring-tone. "Good morning, Kenyan," said Putin, " I have urgent business to discuss."
"Very well", I said
"A missile has downed a Malaysian Airlines flight over Ukraine," said Putin
"I thought that plane crashed somewhere in the Indian Ocean," I replied.
"Idiot, that was a different plane." I must have misheard, because even Vlad isn't impolte to my face, or-- in this case-- my ear. I needed to get him to hang up quick, as I needed to revise a speech speech I was due to make a few hours later in Delaware. " OK Vlad ," I said. "Thanks for the heads-up, but I'm busy, busy...you know how it is."
As I rode to Delaware in back of The Beast, I added a new opening to the speech. "Our thoughts and prayers are with the families of the victims at this difficult time." Original and heart-warming, if I may say so, and I may, so I do. But enough about me.