Binders Full of … Boring

You watch the presidential debate last night?

Yeah, me too.

So … when did you fall asleep?

Ladieeeeees and gentlemen … welcome to the never-ending 2012 Presidential Election, the “Battle below the Beltway!”

In this corner we have Willard “I have Mormon-ey than God” Mitt Romney! And in this corner, the “Hawaii-Ya Kid” … Barack Hussein Obama!

If only. Throw in a few low blows and I might actually pay attention during this thing. The more Obama and Romney talk, they less they manage to say. And while we can’t seem to get a straight answer to any question we have, we’re left with this - a few undeniable and pretty sad conclusions.

1. Barack doesn’t like Mitt.

2. Mitt doesn’t like Barack. And,

3. They’re both absolutely, positively convinced they know exactly what’s wrong with America. And they’re not afraid to tell you, me and the rest of the nation:

It’s all … HIS fault!

As you can see, they don’t exactly agree on that one. Well, I guess two out of three ain’t so bad. Right. This is no way to find someone to run a country .

So if they more they say, the less sense they make, how are we voters supposed to make a decision once we pull the curtain closed and are left alone in the voting booth this November?

Well, this is a democracy. Majority rules and all. So we can look around and see who’s lining up behind these candidates. Check out their supporters, who’s endorsing them and plans to cast their lot with them. If nothing else, we can go with the crowd.

HONEY BOO BOO ON “THE JIMMY KIMMEL SHOW”: I BACK OBAMA!

HEAR ME, HEAR ME! ROSS PEROT SAYS: “IT’S MITT ROMNEY’S TIME!

Okaaaaay. Maybe not.

You know, maybe we should just trash this whole “by the people, for the people, screw the people” method of governing. The more I watch presidential campaigns, the more I think we may have to change our form of government.

Maybe … a dictatorship?

Um - maybe not. Too “my way or the highway”, and way too many tacky uniforms.

Wait a minute, there’s another way to go. Backwards. We might have been a little quick to revolt back in 1776. A little too eager to throw off the yoke of Great Britain and cast the Union Jack back across the Atlantic.

Yes, I’m talking a monarchy. Who needs a president when we can have … a king?

YES, that’s it …. we must bring back the King!