"Bean Bag Chair Covered in Vaseline," Plus 4 More Great Tweets

i want a jacket like ryan gosling's in Drive except it has a pic of whoopi goldberg's face on it instead of a scorpion
— chris (@BassoonJokes) May 11, 2014

Not only is failure an option, it's my go to move.
— Shkeeber (@shkeeber) May 14, 2014

I wonder what happened to the bean bag chair covered in Vaseline someone left under the bridge.
— Chris Murphy (@chrismurphyusa) May 11, 2014

Ask your doctor if being alive is right for you.
— Colonel Tra$h (@Colonel_Trill) May 13, 2014

Urghhh. I hate it when a stranger smiles at you and you end up making an excel spreadsheet of his every movement.
— dawn (@Dawn_M_) May 10, 2014