Barack Obama's Diary: Vlad the Inhaler

Dear Diary: Barely had I set a shoe upon the Resolute desk, this morning, when Vlad called from Moscow. He says he's authorized a visa for that traitorous little twerp Snowden. " Vladimir," I said "I am very disappointed  in you. There will be a price to pay for this." Putin, undismayed, replied:  "I see on the schedule at the White House website, that you are having lunch with Joe Biden. When Joe sits down with you, you will hear my answer to your contemptible threat."  Strange. I thought,  I wonder what  that means.
Later, I  was on pins and needles  as I met with Joe in the private dining room. "Hi Joe" I said, "Vlad Putin says you will be delivering an answer to me about Snowden.  Joe shook his head. "Dunno what you mean," he said. As he sat down there was a thunderous blast of wind -- a  massive Bronx cheer. Joe leaped up and looked down at the seat of his  chair. "Goddam Whoopee cushion," he declared. I pressed an alarm button and a Secret Service agent hurried in, gun at the ready, I yelled: " It's Putin! Vlad the Inhaler has infiltrated the White House. Everybody evacuate!"  He ignored me and called his boss. But enough about me.