Dear Diary: Awkwaard. That's been the theme of my visit to South Africa so far. We met with President Zuma for lunch. "Mr President, I said, "this my wife Michelle." He shook her hand, put a hand behind my back and led me onwards to a matronly woman standing near him. ""This is my wife Nompumelelo," he said. I shook her hand. "Pleased to meet you ma'am," I smiled. Zuma walked onward to another younger woman. "This my wife Thobeka," he continued. This was getting weeeird. He presented me to another--even younger-- woman. "This is Nkosazana," he said. I tried to move onward. But Zuma stopped me. "But wait! There's more," he said. "This is Gertrude, and, finally, Gloria." "Pleased to meet you, Finally Gloria" I said. After the meal I delivered a speech about the need for treatment for all and resumed my seat next to Zuma. "Very good," he said " I strive to treat my wives equally". This afternoon we drive to Johannesburg in The Beast. In case of wandering tigers, my Secret service detail will have sniper rifles at the ready. But enough about me.