Dear Diary: While I'm here in Malaysia there's a double canonization going on in Rome. I was disappointed to hear this, since there is surely no-one more suited to Sainthood than I, who was granted a Nobel Peace Prize before I even attained office. Nyaa..nyaa...Vladimir Putin. Wait! don't beat me again! It doesn't make me look good. If you repeat your intimidation tactics I shall be forced to smack you with Badgie, my odiferous comfort blanket. But enough about me.