Dear Diary: I'm flying to Asia this morning and I have been brushing up my Asian language: For Koreans and Chinese, when in doubt,"Good Morning you rittle yerrow man." usually makes a good start. I had scarcely sat down in my office aboard Air Force One when my iPresidentophone sprang to life with the strains of the Red Army choir singing Song of the the Volga River Boatmen. "Good morning Vlad," I said, But it was not he. My phone had detected the Moscow origin of the call, but it was Mikhail Gorbachev, not Vlad the Inhaler. "Mr Gorbachev," I said, "Your fame precedes you. You're the guy with a map of South America on your forehead." Gorbachev struck back, quick, as a snake: "And you are the moron who was elected to run a country". Impudent man. But enough about me.