Dear Diary: Habemus Papem! I We have a pope [for those without the privilege of my extraordinary education] I have sent warm wishes to the new Pope from Michelle and I, which I am sure he will be delighted with. However, this guy is on the record as being against gay marriage and abortion. How awkward is that, dudes. But I am optimistic that he will change his view. Even I was against gay marriage until I was for it. But enough about me.