Barack Obama's Diary: Eye Trouble

Dear Diary: Many people seem to think that I haven't handled Syria well. I disagree completely.  However today I got to do something I am  expert at and rightly famous for -- bowing to Eastern potentates. In this case it was the Emir of Kuwait.  We were  scheduled to have a bilateral meeting at lunchtime.  He is a  most imposing figure in his robes. I sank to my knees  before him and then prostrated myself on the floor and kissed his Gucci  shoes. "Honorable Emir," I began, "I am your humble  servant Barack  Hussein Obama and I am not worthy to touch the hem of your garments."   Unfortunately at just that moment Bo trotted into the room and lifted his leg on my  prostrate, defenseless body.  One of the Emir's aides hissed: " Unclean! Remove that canine immediately!" Joe Biden gamely stepped forward and removed Bo from sight.  I said: " We are having mutton for lunch in your honor, Emir. I have heard that the guest of honor always gets the sheep's eye. The Emir shook his head  and said: " Not in my family. I can't abide eyes. They burst in the mouth in the most repellent way. I gift the eyes to you and your Vice President.  And peace be unto you."
I said: "Thank you Emir, I am truly honored."  I ate my mutton then toyed with the eye on my plate until I could not delay any longer.  I put it in my mouth and feigned delight. Then I raised a napkin to my mouth and worked it quietly with my tongue into the folds of the cloth.  When I replaced the napkin on my knee, the eye fell  out and bounced on  the carpet. Awkwaaaard.... A passing waiter had the presence of mind to kick it out of sight.  Nobody knows the troubles I've seen. But enough about me.