Dear Diary: It looks like Vlad Pootin is making it his mission to ruin our vacation. "Good evening, Obamavitch" he said after the iPresidentophone rang while Michelle and I were having dinner at The Sweet Life Cafe. I almost choked on my lobster when I heard Pootin's voice. What's he calling about this time? I asked myself. "Obamavitch" he said. "I see that you were made fun of by a rodeo clown who wore a mask of your face during a bull-riding event and the crowd were laughing and calling for a bull to charge you. "So?" I said defensively. "It shows how weak you are, Obamavitch. If someone mocked me publicly like that I would keep them locked up in Lubianka prison for a month." He knows how I hate being called "Obamavitch." It reminds me of the way Indonesian kids used to tease me by calling me "little Kenyan." Bastards. But enough about me.