Dear Diary: While roaming the Internet I came across a report from a man who used his wife's anti-wrinkle cream to keep himself looking younger. "Brilliant!" I thought -- the perfect way to keep looking young enough to be appointed UN Secretary-General when my White House term expires. I searched Michelle's nightstand for the concoction she applies to her wrinkles before sleep. Michelle walked in and caught me red-handed. "Barry!" she exclaimed. "What the hell are you doing? That cream costs a fortune, you old poof. I thought you were over your Bathhouse Barry days."
Awkwaard. I put the jar back and resolved to ask Valerie Jarrett to buy some of the same cream for me on her next visit to Nordstrom in Georgetown.