Dear Diary: I'm dictatoring this [geddit?] somewhere over the Atlantic on my way to Johannesburg, with George W. Bush, Laura Bush and the Clintons. I am less than pleased with having to share my taxpayer-funded private airliner with Eric Holder, my speechwriters, my shrink, Dr Rink, the invaluable Valerie Jarrett and a large Secret Service detail. I have already instructed them all [except a couple Secret Service agents] to wait for me to emerge first from the plane in Jo'burg so I can wave then make my practiced nonchalant descent to the runway without holding the handrail. Michelle and I moved into the master bedroom as we boarded to ensure that the others didn't usurp the space. Ruthless bastards these politicians. But at least if something goes awry, Bush is here to take the blame. But enough about me.