Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating slightly, but not a whole lot! You see, tomorrow, I head back to work. For the first time since Isabelle arrived, I will no longer be her primary carer. In fact, I'm actually kind of far down the list now, after my parents and Simon.
I will be working 5 days at week, which I haven't done in 17 months...that is a long time. I did work some days here and there last (school) year, but the longest period I did was 3 consecutive days...and this week alone I will do more than that.
5 days a week. Every week from now until...well, I'm not quite sure of that one. Until at least the end of October, maybe more, but not quite sure.
That's at least 11 weeks. 55 days away from Isabelle. Not being the one to put her down for naps, or get her up, or feed her lunch, or take her to the park...the list goes on.
I'm not even remotely worried about how she will find this - she is going to have a BALL. Her time will be split between my dad (2.5 days a week), my mom (1.5 days a week) and Simon (1 day a week). One of those days, she will have her two cousins at my parents to play with as well, and she is going to love it. She'll be begging me to go at weekends as well!
No, I'm not worried about her. I am very worried about me though. Early mornings, long school days, new kids, new colleagues, new everything. It sounds quite unpalatable, really. When I worked last year, I remember wondering how on earth full time, working mothers are able to juggle everything. And I am scared that I am going to end up missing out on important things with Isabelle, and not giving my all to my work as I try to find that work/life balance we always hear is so important.
That said, I am looking forward to it. I have always loved my job, and I will be teaching a lot of new subjects which I think is going to be great (if not damn hard work!), and I am looking forward to putting my brain back to work too. Not that having tea parties and colouring in our Aquadoodle isn't extremely mentally stimulating, of course...
The one thing I am most sad to lose is my social life. Being free to meet people and go to groups any day of the week has been amazing. I am going to miss my friends, their little people, and out get togethers so much. Of course, we have weekends and I will definitely see them then, but I will miss the routine of weekly get togethers. I'll miss the day to day goings on with their little people, the little changes I see each week. I will miss them all terribly.
Simon and I will also get very little time together from now on. As he will look after Isabelle on a Tuesday, he has to work every Saturday, so the only day we will have as a family is Sunday. We've tried to make the most of the last few weeks by going to our holiday home for the last two weekends to spend some 'quality time' together. But it all passed very quickly, and that quality time from now on is drastically limited.
But, hopefully, the 10 weeks+ will pass quickly, and I will come out the other side better off in lots of ways - as will Isabelle from spending time with her grandparents and daddy.
Then, we can forget all about this work malarkey and go back to lazing round in our PJs instead...