Baby Diaries; The Born Observation

Now that I’m six weeks in, or rather, out, I’ve made a few observations. I get the feeling that the general belief is to expose a newborn to music however I really doubt they meant ‘The Doody Song’ remixed by my Papa, the chunky one. What’s worse is that the chinky one has joined in too! So now when while I hover over the sink completely exposed with water splashing against my bum, I get the Doody Song in surround sound! Is it any surprise that I end up in tears pretty much every time?
The duo then tries to calm me down by singing to me. Chinky tells Chunky to sing me a lullaby and let’s be Frank,he’s not Sinatra. He shrugs and tries to sing me to sleep with a lullaby. So, what does he choose to sing me? Rock a Bye Baby? Hush Little Baby? No! He subjects me to a lullaby rendition of, Ice Ice Baby! When that doesn’t work, the couple takes a more traditional approach by opting for that chart topper, Rock a Bye Baby. Only that sends me in to another bawling fit and let's be honest, are you surprised? I mean, have you ever paid attention to the lyrics? It’s about a baby sleeping in a tree and being knocked down by the wind cradle and all! That’s the stuff of nightmares for babies people, what were you thinking?
And another thing; Poopy Monster? Fart Pants? Really? That's your plan for instilling confidence?