So what have I been doing with myself? Thinking and procrastinating. Procrastinating and thinking.
It's been slightly better this past week or so but during the last few months, I've had the worst insomnia....the world is a bizarre place from 2-5am....it's quiet in that you feel as though you're the only person awake, it's deafening in that your mind thinks all the thoughts, you can't shut it up.
I began to dread the nights, knowing that hours of tossing & turning lay ahead of me.
Sometimes I get up & read, I try not to reach for my iPad knowing that I'll never get back to sleep that way....sometimes I just try to think calm, happy soothing thoughts.
I have some things that I'm sad about....although strangely, the stillness of the night is sometimes comforting in that respect....it's the plans & all the other middle-of-the-night meanderings of my mind that can be troubling.
I write emails/texts/blogposts in my head, compose conversations, make & remake plans....
And then daylight arrives and the world seems normal-ish again.
I have some plans for this next year....I know what I want to do but - for whatever reason - I am putting it off.I want to do a course which will (hopefully) lead to a brand new career....I got all the details, discussed it with friends in the same field of work, did a one day induction course - then put off booking the next stage of study & missed the entry date. Fast forward a few more months & I've now missed the next start date.....procrastination at its very finest!
Why do we do this, why am I doing this? Someone much wiser than me, would probably say that I'm nervous, unsure, doubting myself, scared.....I have no idea why.
Feel the fear & do it anyway.
I want to get in shape, get back in shape, I think about it a lot....I have done
Just flippin' well do it!!
I eventually went to the doctor because I've been feeling rubbish....tests showed that I am totally healthy & normal. Hoorah....I think.
I just need to commit, book the course, make the phone call/s, start walking/classes/the gym/eating well....what am I waiting for?
Our house renovations rumble on....we have now borrowed what we hope is enough money to enable us to finish everything.We're at the stage where we just want everything to be done.....our make-do/temporary sleeping situation is no longer fun, funny or tenable, the kitchen is driving me nuts & the long to-do list seems to be getting longer not shorter. Deadlines need to be set, work finished & decisions made.Let's do this.
Autumn in London has been SO completely & gloriously beautiful this year, I've never noticed the trees & leaves so colourful or so dazzling before.....I've been completely in awe of it.
Definitely my favorite season, right now the pavements are covered with leaves, my wardrobe is full of knitwear & I'd make soup every day of the week if I could get my family to eat it every day!
Onwards & upwards, happy November!