I was 16 when I tried to take my own life. I was living with my Mum, who was drunk on a daily basis and had a real bad temper at times. My Grandma was like my best friend but she was dying of cancer and had been moved into a hospice.
I was being bullied for being short, bi, shy and having a fiancé who was a Goth I wanted out, so my fiancé promised that as soon as he got his own flat (he was 18) I could move in with him and wouldn’t have to feel so depressed anymore. He’d take me away.
Only he didn’t, he called me to dump me instead. He said our relationship had become boring after 2 years together and he was moving in with a mate instead. I was heartbroken.
I cried so hard when he hung up, but my Mum just told me to grow up and went out. Alone, I tried calling my only friend. Her phone was switched off, and then it hit me; nobody cared. I tried calling my fiancé back but he wouldn’t answer. He really didn’t care, or so I thought at the time.
My Mum had told me to clean the house, so I thought I’d better start in the kitchen. It was when I went in that I noticed her tub of painkillers on the side. I could end it all. It’s not like I’d be missed. I felt like I had nothing to live for, I just wanted to escape.
I got a glass of water and then swallowed one tablet after another. I didn’t even count; I just kept taking them until I felt sick. That’s when I changed my mind. What if he didn’t mean it? He might decide to take me back after he slept on it. I could still move out, too. I was old enough.
In a panic I called Chilldline and told them what I’d done, and they put me through to NHS direct who then called my Mum, who came home, gave me a telling off for being stupid and selfish and practically dragged me to hospital. I was kept in overnight and had numerous blood tests (from what I can remember).
The next day I was questioned by a Psychiatrist. I told her I knew I’d been stupid and hadn’t wanted to kill myself and then promised I’d never do it again. I was allowed home shortly after and spent an hour a week with a psychologist to talk about how I was feeling.
Now I look back I’m thankful that I didn’t die that day. My fiancé did take me back 6 weeks later after we tried being friends and he told me he still loved me. Now I have so much to live for-we’re married with a little boy, trying for baby number two and even though I’m still short, I don’t care that much.
I miss my Grandma but the pain slowly healed, even though I felt like I’d never smile again. To anyone who is thinking of taking their own life-don’t. There IS always a way out, even if you can’t see it. Things change in time, even if you may not notice it at first.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mom who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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