I really dislike using terms to describe types of parenting, simply because I believe that all parents take a little bit from here and there and combine it to form a truly unique parenting style that suits them. Despite this, it would be true to say that I subscribe to many of the 'attachment parenting' views, and see myself as that the of mommy.
Is that the type of mommy I thought I'd be? Not in a million years. As a little example, I always imagined how much fun I would have pushing a buggy (which now gets used for the odd dog walk!), and seeing myself changing Pampers bums (I don't know if you've heard I use cloth?!) If you told me 3 years ago if I would be a cloth bumming, baby wearing, extended breastfeeding, amber using type of mummy, I'd have laughed and told you people who do those things are a little bit bananas, and I would never be a hippy like them.
But then, as Isabelle's arrival loomed and I started to read online forums I realised that many of the more 'traditional' parenting aspects didn't sit that comfortably with me, and the style of parenting I thought suited our family most was attachment parenting. And not just for the things mentioned above - those are the more 'superficial' parts of AP. Instead, I believe in that type of parenting because I believe it describes accurately the way I want to raise Isabelle, and have our relationship develop. But as I said, I don't really like using a label - we simply parent as we see fit.
Since Izzy's arrival, I have had the privilege of meeting lots and lots of mummies across Northern Ireland, and becoming friends with some wonderful ladies. Some of them, like me, are on their first baby, and some are on their second or more. I always find it really interesting that many describe the experience of their first baby as being so different to how they are dealing with the second in terms of their parenting style. It seems that many people don't find what sits most comfortably with them, or realize what type of parenting they really feel fits their family, until the reach baby number 2. Then, it would seem that many mummies tweak and change their parenting style to a 'type' of parenting with which they feel more comfortable. And I know quite a few mummies who wish they had 'discovered' their true style of parenting early on with number one.
One of the biggest compliments I have ever had was a simple passing comment from a friend at a baby class. We had been chatting about how when you have a baby you become public property as everyone feels they have a right to comment on your parenting, and I had said that while other people may not agree with the way we raise Isabelle, they could suck it up as that was our choice. My friend just smiled and said "I wish I had been as confident in my style parenting when I had my first as you are with how you are raising Isabelle."
I was so amazed that someone with much more parenting experience than I have would have any reason to admire my own parenting. She went on to explain that she was one of the people who wish they had done things differently with her first, and not given in to 'peer pressure' from those around her, and how she didn't truly find her real style of parenting until number 2 came along.
Who know, maybe if/when Simon and I have another baby, we will decide that the way we have raised Isabelle isn't quite right for us after all, and we would like to move towards another style of parenting. But, we often chat about how the decisions we've made just feel so right for our family that I really doubt that. No doubt our parenting will change and evolve as we have more babies, but I am pretty sure we will still follow the route we are on. So, even though we may not be the parents we ever imagined, we are very happy with the choices we have made and the 'type' of parenting we have chosen to follow.
What about you? Are you the type of mommy you always envisaged? Or have you found that, actually, something else suits you and your family much better?