You remember my friend T, right? The man who believes almost every woman he sees is beautiful? The man whose sudden and pert-near evangelical love of his lawn (The Book of Scotts Turf Builder) has changed his brown weedy yard to a lush, green carpet?
He now has furniture concerns.
To wit, he believes his dresser drawers are up to no good.
“Everything I put in there comes out smaller,” he says. “My t-shirts are all tight in the middle. They didn’t used to be!”
That’s right. The dresser in T’s bedroom is shrinking his clothes.
I’ve seen T’s dresser. It’s a battered blonde wood piece of furniture with missing drawer pulls – and while I’ve always stood four-square against this very type of dresser, it does not appear to be any more a clothing-shrinker than my own.
And none of my shirts are, uh, too small.
None! I don’t care what you’ve heard!
Of course, T may claim that it is faulty furniture that has caused his t-shirts to reduce in size, there is also the fact that cotton t-shirts and hot dryers are natural enemies.
There’s also something to be said of his love of the all-you-can-eat banquet.
For now, however, I will play along with his dresser drawer theory. Why not? It makes as much sense as his belief that there are beautiful women everywhere he goes; and maybe I’ll get a free t-shirt out of the deal.