I was 17 years old, in a relationship with an older man who I thought loved me and in turn I loved him. Our relationship wasn’t steady nor secure, he drank a lot, couldn’t hold down a job and was a gambling addict. I had been feeling very unwell in November 2005 so I went to the doctors with him, he waited in the car.
I told the nurse how I was feeling, she did a urine test and told me I was pregnant
The shock hit me, I felt numb, I walked out to the car and broke down
I was hysterical, my heart was broken, I was terrified
He took me home and left me there whilst he went to his mums, hejust left me
I was scared and didn’t want to deal with it, I didn’t think I could. If he could do this to me now what else was he capable off?
I took 4 packets of sleeping tablets hoping never to wake up, I wanted to die. I wanted to end it all.
My mother came home, found me unconscious and rushed me to the hospital, they stopped any further damage to my body and fixed me physically.
He wasn’t bothered about me, or how I was. He said he wanted me to keep the baby, that we could be a family, but after everything that had happened I couldn’t do that. Our relationship was violent, not something a child should be brought into.I booked to have an abortion, it was my only option. i was on the pill at the time, but it failed me.
I had an abortion on 21.12.2005 on my own, as he was too busy at the pub.
I don’t regret the choice I made, for me at that time, it was right. I still think about it and hurt for it, but I don’t regret. Two days after the abortion he dragged me out to pubs to watch him leech over other girls and get so drunk, that we had a fight in the car park. We split up not long after that.
People should never judge on abortions nor suicide until they have been there. They think they no everything and have a right to criticize or judge, but no one does.
This post is an anonymous guest post, if you would like to share your own anonymous experience of hope or courage then please contact me.